I had not even left the ship when they called me from Brotröm and asked if I could join the next ship.
- PLEASE! My holiday.
I got my contract from Laurin Maritime for my next assignment when I left for Rome. I will attend to it first thing when I'm coming back. But before signing on M/T Barcarolle it's time for my holiday.
Well, I left Rainbow Warrior some three months ago and now it's time to go meet some of the crew members in Rome. Our Lebanese Doctor will fly in to Rome. Well, I have never been in Rome and they said it's a nice city, so I'm looking forward to it. Hmm, I hope I can go easy on the Italian cuisine.
I expect plenty good music and white wine, I just hope I don't get motion sick and ruin the whole trip. But they are very composed, I got proof of this when we were in Genoa with Rainbow Warrior.
We all remember the camping drama on deck and I must admit that I still haven't watched the videos our Webbie gave me. But I expect to live a long life so there will be time in 20 years something to watch the videos. By then we have forgot all about the incident, but those videos will hunt me for as long as I have them. I study the thumbnails daily (well, almost) to see if I can see something hideous.
Well, I haven't seen our Lebanese Doctor since we left her crying behind in Istanbul and last time I saw our Italian Campaigner was when he left us in a TAXI in Piraeus (almost crying). Yes, I'm pretty sure I saw a few tears on his cheek.
Last time I saw our Assistant Cook was outside my hotel in Mersin. We were going to have a farewell beer and they were waiting for me to leave my luggage on the hotel room.
- You're better off waiting at a pub, I will have a quick shower, I said.
They should wait at the first pub, and well, as you understand this will not go to the history as the brightest plan. No one had been in Mersin before and I was walking around for almost 2 hours when I meet our Video man on the way back to the ship. When he saw me he waved and asked me:
- Where have you been? We have been waiting at a pub up the road.
- I have been walking around all over Mersin drinking Diet Drinks, I answered.
Well, anyway, as I said to our Assistant Cook:
- I hope that your train won't be delayed. Then there is a riskiness of the wine bottles being empty when you are arriving and I have to go through the camping adventure again.
I don't know about the Italian Police, but if you pitch camp on a platform is Sweden you can expect the Officers of the law to show up before soon. I have never experienced this first hand but I heard about a guy. In his youth he was suffering from severe motion sickness in the fine city of Helsingborg in the South of Sweden.
The Sheriff arrived with the blue lights on and he was surrounded by the Police in a jiff.
Well, as he said:
- It was no laugh when they woke me up in the slammer at 0430 in the morning.
They woke him up at 0430 just to aggravate and vex him. He had just managed to fall a sleep on the wooden bench they supplied when they woke him up with a grin on the face. I hope that I never have to run in to problem like that my self.
Well, I haven't seen any of the Greenpeacers since I left Rainbow Warrior and it will be nice to see them again.
I stopped at a travel agency in Malmö when I was on the way home from the airport yesterday. They told me that the flight and hotel would cost me 800 Scooby Dollars.
- All return flights are full on Sunday so you have to stay until Monday.
- No problem, e-mail all the details to me and I will decide tomorrow. I'm in a hurry!
When I came home I checked my e-mail and now the tour was 1100 Scooby Dollars.
I went to a travel agency in Kalmar first thing when I woke up, well, first I went to the police to order a new passport. The travel agency belongs to the same chain as the one in Malmö. I asked them to call the agency in Malmö and tell them that I wanted the tour. Lo and behold, now the price was 1300 €.
- What the BIP?!
It's the same story every time. You see an ad offering tours and cheap flight tickets.
SPEND THE WEEKEND IN ROME. AIR FARE AND HOTEL, YOU PAY NEXT TO NOTHING. FLY WITH US AND WE THROW IN A FIAT SPORT CAR JUST TO SWEETEN UP THE DEAL FOR YOU.
When you're at the travel agency it's a totally different story. It's like staying at a hotel.
- What's the price?
- 130€/ night
When you stumble down to the reception the day after to check out they hand you a 75cm bill. Hotel tax, tax on tax, hot water tax and residential tax.
There is no end to it and with a hangover pounding your head you don't understand the bill anyway. You just hand over your card, in a hurry to get out of there.
Once again I have to give credit to my Hotel in Singapore. Former Westin Stamford & Stamford Plaza, now Swissotel is running the place. But still good service, at least last time I lived there.
Well, when I checked in a asked for a room on a low floor (I don't like heights), but they only had room available on the 53rd floor something.
The elevator is one of those “ High Speed ” type and I must have been hit by the now well known motion sickness.
It must have been a severe motion sickness because I didn't feel like Superman when I came down in the reception to check out. I was in a hurry to get my bill so I could run away and hide some place with no people around and a bottle of water.
Yeah, I think you understand what kind of day it was, and for sure I knew how the day would turn out and I was not looking forward to it.
I asked for my bill and I was waiting impatiently for the bill. The printer started and I just knew what kind of bill to expect when I heard the busy printer go on and on. Finally they handed me a 2 meter fax. What the BIP ?! I thought for my self. I took the bill and, well, on top was the room rate. No tax and other Scooby Doo fees, and I expected Orange Juice, Tomato Juice and all the vitamin pills to be stated on the bill. For sure it didn't make me feel any better.
I was PLESANTLY surprised when I could read Room Service REFRESHMENTS (Hundreds of them) on the bill. I felt refreshed instantly and I was ready to take on a new day. This is the kind of things that makes me coming back to the same Hotel year after year.
Well, Rome, I was booked for four days at Hotel DEI CONSOLI and I will fly from Copenhagen at 0950 26th of October.
0950, hmm, I have to leave tomorrow and stay on a hotel in Copenhagen. Captain on Bro Jupiter told me about a hotel very close to the airport. He used to stay there when he had an early flight to the ship. Nice to wake up close to the airport instead of rushing out of bed at 0400 just to get the first train to the airport.
I searched the internet and I booked a room and I'm all set to go tomorrow. It will be nice to come South to the summer again. 24°C in Rome and I will bring my shorts. No “ Pantalongas ” for a few days.
I woke up at 0430 on my hotel room in Copenhagen, my nose was running a little. I could feel that a cold was coming. I had felt it for the last three days and I had been at the drugstore before leaving Sweden yesterday. I bought vitamins and now I took a triple dose.
I wasn't in my best mood, but I saw a SMS from our Assistant Cook and she will arrive to Rome to night. I was in a good mood again.
I took a triple dose of my extra C vitamins as well. My C vitamins are made as fizzy tablets and I took three of them in a bottle of water. Ipsi wipsi wu and I had my self a health drink extraordinary. Taste good and I felt, well, I imagine me feeling better anyway.
At the airport my nose started to run a little and with the running nose came all the sneezing. I took yet another tablet. This time it was a Cetrizin dihydrochloride tablet. For allergy and running nose and after 30 minutes I felt like a Prince. I was ready to take on the word. But before taking on the word I had a Diet Drink while watching the airplanes coming and going.
We landed in Rome 20 minutes past 12 and at 1 o'clock I was in a TAXI on my way to the hotel. When we arrived to my hotel I had to go thought he usual hassle with the driver.
- 46 Scooby Dollar, he said.
- But it's a fixed price, I said and I handed him a 50 € bill.
He looked grumpy when he gave me 10€ change. Same story every time, at the airport they wanted 75€ to take me to the hotel. When I said that it's a fixed price of 40€ he changed his mind and asked for 60. But the price for a TAXI to the city centre is the first thing I ask at the airport information when arriving to a new place. Otherwise you can end up in endless trouble with drivers asking for a ridiculous sum
When we arrived I thought that this must be the wrong address. I had expected a wee bit more from a 4 star hotel. when I entered the reception I got a shock, this 4 star hotel was a Guest house styled hotel. when I put my wallet on the counter there was no room for anything else.
When I came in to my room, well, the room was so small that they had to use a canon to shoot me in. There was the smallest bed I have ever seen and when I put my small bag on the floor there was no room left to put my shoes.
My first thought was that the travel agency in Sweden had ripped me off and I went back to the reception.
- What's the rate?
I got the answer, it was 180 or 190€ per night. It's cheaper at Marriot and way better.
My room, 4 star hotel??!! Well, as you understand I got furious.
I dashed off to find me a SIM card for my phone. But after 2 hours of walking around in my new shoes I had sore feet and no SIM card. I stopped at a Ristorante for spaghetti before returning to my hotel.
All phone shops were closed until 1600 and I had to wait until then. I needed the phone when I should go and meet our Campaigner and the Lebanese Doctor. Always good to have a phone so they could direct the driver because I had no clue where I was.
I left my Guest house at 4 o'clock and I bought a SIM card. I was set and ready to go.
- It will take 24 hour before you can use the phone, maybe they can do it in a few hours, they told me when I was about to leave.
- 24 hours! Can't they make it quicker?
I had them to call our Campaigner and they wrote down the address so I could give it to the TAXI driver. We left the Piazza for another Piazza with screaming and smoking tyres.
The first thing I saw when I stepped out of the TAXI was Bar Amore. Sounds exciting and I came up with yet another Master plan. I will go in and have a beer and call our Campaigner so we could meet there. Dashed plans, our Campaigner and the Lebanese Doctor were waiting on the other side of the road.
We were in the middle of the historical center of Rome and our Campaigner took us for a tour. We started with ice cream, not me, I had a Diet Drink. Looking good is important.
It was impressive with all the old buildings, some of them very big. We went in to the Phaneon, or what ever the name was. It's the biggest vault in the world.
All the historical buildings were very close and after a few hour of walking we had seen much of it.
Well, my new shoes were on. Now it started to really hurt and a spirited and joking Aladdin turned, well, if not grumpy but a little gloomy. Hip Hop shoes or not, they were not made to walk for hours in. At least not when they were new.
I became desperate and we stopped at a famous fountain and we were sitting down. Hmm, my feet didn't hurt so much that it stopped me to go and buy some beer across the street.
Beer, now I know what you are thinking (At least J and Uffe)
- BEER! Now he started to drink beer and he will soon have burnt all the bridges in Rome and he can never return.
No worries, have a little faith in me. I have poise, even after a few beers.
Well, it was nice to sit down at the fountain and rest with a beer. We were soon on the go again and we were lucky to have such a good guide. Our guide is very interested in history and he knew all the good places. We went to the place were they killed Cesar, now it was a home for cats.
Well, when we reached a ruin, I don't know what it was. I didn't listen to our Guide anymore. My feet got all my attention and the situation was intolerable.
- I will take a TAXI and asked for a shoe shop, I said.
We took a TAXI to a shopping center, but all the shoe stores were closed. I dashed up the street, I remember seeing a shop with sneakers when we went for the shopping center. DARN! It was closed.
We continued our search for shoes and we passed a restaurant and our Guide said something about famous or something lie that. I didn't pay any attention. But I must have misunderstood him because I was sitting down at table with a beer in front of me resting my feet.
Well, strange, after a few beers my feet were a little better. We walked around the city looking at the Unknown Soldier's Grave, but soon my feet said stop and I told our Guide and our Lebanese Doctor that I would meet them at Termini station at 2230 to meet our Assistant Cook.
I left in a TAXI for the Termini Station and it was a huge railway station. I don't know if I have seen such a big railway station before. But when I came out from the TAXI and I entered the station I found tat the train station was a small one, it was most shops. After a little asking around I found a Footlocker in the basement.
I was in a good mood when I left the Footlocker. I had to look for wine glasses so I could serve our Assistant Cook some white wine at arrival. I found a restaurant and I asked if I could buy 4 glasses. It was not possible so I asked if I could buy 4 glasses of wine to go.
- Then you have to use plastic glass, he said.
Well, I ordered wine and I sat down at a table waiting for a moment to dash off, but the waiter was hovering around me all the time counting the glasses on my table.
I left with 4 plastic glasses and I ran in to our Guide and Lebanese Doctor. They had brought all her luggage and the wine we had bought earlier in the evening. And of course our Guide is a real Gentleman and he carried the Doctor's backpack.
The train from Torino arrived in time and every one was surprised. 5 minutes before arrival we could see on what track we had to be to meet her. We were stand-by when the train arrived and suddenly she stood in front of us with a PLASTIC cup of white wine.
Well, a little embarrassing, but white wine in a plastic cup is better than no wine at all. But a real glass would of course have been better.
But I was happy to see that our Assistant Cook was wearing the hat I bought for her in Istanbul, heart warming.
Who drank all the wine? We took the subway to our Guide's apartment, two stations and when we arrived there were not much left in the jumbo bottle. It was not me, for sure and I can blame the train driver for the mishaps to come. I became motion sick in the shaking subway and it was nice to come above ground again. Fresh air.
Our Guide lived just 1 minutes walk from the subway. It was a beautiful apartment with plenty
I think this home made absinthos, absinthos, I really don't know what it was but it brought out the concrete hat. But somewhere between the first one and the concrete hat I was handsome like a spring day. But it didn't last very long.
But we had dinner before starting with the absinthos. I was not trusted to help with the cooking so I was busy drinking wine, this pretty much kept me busy the whole evening. Well, I found the entertainment center and soon the music was blasting high. OK, J you don't need to say anything.
We were talking about the good old times and the spirit was high. The wine were soon history and there were all kind of bottles on the table and it was only the strong stuff. Mix it with water? Hmm, I don't think so.
I have no idea what time it was, and who cares? We had a good time and I think I managed to keep my poise. A courteously way is important when you are abroad, I'm always an Ambassador for Skåne.
I had a bag with my old shoes with me and I had planned to return to my hotel and leave my shoes before hitting the discos.
First day in a new city and exploring the night life is a must. But I never made it out of the apartment, surprised?
-Det e Maskens fel! Was the first thing I said when I woke up on the floor.
Well, not much more to say when you wake up on the floor with our Italian Campaigner looking down on me. I realised that my plan to stay at a hotel had backfired. Well, its nice people and it was no drama. Not what I think anyway, they never mentioned anything to me. But who knows what they say when I'm not around to listen?
I can imagine waking up with J or Uffe looking down at me. Then it would have been a major drama and they would have material to go on and on for years.
- I show you the shower, he said.
I could not muster the mental strength required to stay around so I looked at my watch and I said no thanks.
- I have an IMPORTANT meeting at my hotel.
I woke up at 1530 in my room with the smaltire la sbornia working its way up to a full force 10. My SIM card had kicked in so I called our Italian Campaigner, they were at the Coluseum and we made an appointment to meet outside the Coleseum at 1700.
I took a TAXI and I arrived just before 1700. I bought me a Diet Drink first thing when I came out of the TAXI. I walked around looking at the crowd while waiting for the other to arrive.
Our Campaigner and guide had been there before so he gave me his ticket. He waited outside while I escorted the two girls around the Coleseum. Well, I could only imagine what the people were thinking when I was walking around with two beautiful girls.
- How did this wanker end up with these two beautiful girls?
Well, even for a guy from Skåne it was a very big building.
We spent an hour or so at the Coleseum before we left for the river. We took the bus to the first bridge they built in Rome. It was a very old bridge, as you understand, leading to a small island.
At the other side of the bridge there was a place they sold ice with something sweet they poured over the ice. I don't know what the call it but it was OK.
We were enjoying the sights of the river while eating our ice. Well, our Guide didn't get any ice because they were running out of the stuff after 3.
Our Lebanese Doctor bought something from the street vendor. Rome is full of street vendors selling, yeah, junk, knick-knacks and cheap copies of expensive brands.
I didn't buy any gewgaws but I was running low on cash, uncomfortably low. So I asked for an ATM and I disappeared for 10 minutes. The only thing I got out from the ATM was a message saying that my card was not good for international transfers. What the BIP??!!
The River Tiber
The guy running the ice shop recommended us a restaurant some 5-10 minutes walk away. We never found the place, but we found another very nice place.
We got a table and I ordered a TAXI so I could go to an ATM. I had to go back to my hotel to get a new card. This is exactly why I have several cards. I have been in Spain and other places with no cash and a card in the ATM machine. But it was strange, your card is not valid for international transactions. What the BIP??!! I have been using this card all over the world.
I was soon back with fresh cash and roses for the girls. There were white wine on the table and the spirit was soon high. And one thing I learned by being in Rome with the Italians is to enjoy Antipasta. We had cheese and salami with the wine.
I had been eating Deep Fried Mozzarella, DELICIOUS, before, but fresh Mozzarella, no. I don't like the look of it, but maybe it was the wine that brought out the dare devil in me and I tried the Mozzarella. DELICIOUS! Hmm, maybe eating fresh Mozzarella all day long will be my new “ Bad habit ”.
Well, when I asked for the third bottle of wine the hangover was all gone, and this was just in time. The restaurant became full very quick and a crowd is nothing I appreciate when my katzenjammer is pounding and you can not speak.
With a hangover its just slurred speech coming out and you're better off being quiet. But after two glass of wine the world is smiling at you again, and you are smiling at the world. Suddenly you are a bright shining beacon of social competence, gone is the cheerless guy hiding in the corner.
It was all funky bananas when we asked for our bill. We were booked for a 10 o'clock tour at the Vatican tomorrow and my friends went home for a sleep. I had to explore the night life, I was in an upbeat mood after the wine. I also had hot chocolate with rum, it must have been some very strong rum because I felt very good when we left.
So I was roaring the streets in Rome searching for a place with good music. We must have ended up in a nice area because I found quite a few places with good music.
Hmm, they say that Sweden is expensive, but 10 Scooby Dollar for a vodka is, well, maybe it is not that expensive after all. I don't remember how much I paid for the drinks last time on a disco in Sweden.
But I discovered that my t-shirt was fåcked up with red stains from the red drinks I drank. They didn't had RedBull so I had to mix my vodka with something they called BURN. It was red like red wine and thus my red shirt. OK, well, there were some snus as well.
Hmm, maybe not what we expect from a bright shining beacon of social competence to walk around drooling snus all over the shirt.
When our Guide called to wake me up at 0930 I realised that it had been a bad idea to explore the night life in Rome yesterday. I had arrived home to my bed at 4 or 5 in the morning, well, you understand how I felt.
I was not very brisk and full of go when I took the 3 minutes walk to the TAXI station. I hopped in to a TAXI and I asked the driver to take me to the Vatican museum.
- NO no! Its there, he said and pointed across the Piazza smaltire la sbornia grande.
What the BIP!!?? There must have been millions of people. I was thinking about going back to my bed again
The queue to the Vatican museum
I took the 2 or 3 km walk to the entrance. I could not believe the queue, I had never seen something like this before. When I came to the entrance our Guide and Lebanese doctor was waiting for me and two people from Greenpeace's office. Our Assistant Cook were buying batteries for her camera.
The people from the office arrived 20 minutes late and we could enter the museum. We could enter through a special queue for people that had made a reservation with a guide. So obvious this is what you should do if you want to go to the Vatican museum. Of course it cost you a little extra, but man, this queue was a killer.
And don't spend the whole night in a bar the day before, I was walking around drinking water and Diet Drinks watching paintings.
There must be millions of paintings, the ceiling and walls are full. It must have taken years and hundreds of painters
It was a huge place, not only for the painters but even for me dragging around my hangover sucking on a bottle of water. I skipped the group tour, I just asked the guide where I could buy water. The group had headphones and our tour guide spoke in a microphone. I also skipped the headphones, I prefer to walk around by my self.
One hour passed. I was impatient to get out of there, but still no sign of the group. Two hours passed and still no sign of the group.
After three hours I saw the two from Greenpeace's office, they were in a hurry. But still no sign of the rest of the group. I began to think that they had had an accident or that someone had kidnapped them when I saw them.
We continued with the Egyptian museum and other stuff, there were plenty rocks and our Lebanese Doctor called one of the rocks for Torso of Christ. She wanted me to take a picture of her and the Assistant Cook with the rock between them.
They started to close the museum (and I could not believe my luck) and we left for a restaurant near by. We needed some food before going to the big Saint Peters church. The church is where the queue to the Vatican museum had begun this morning.
When we arrived to the square I saw all the people queuing up to enter the church, there were millions of tourists with cameras and I gave up.
- I wait for you outside the church.
My hotel was just around the corner so I went to my hotel and I took a shower. I was back about 5 minutes before they came out.
When they came out our Lebanese Doctor went to the post office and the Assistant Cook wanted a picture of her self with the church in the back. She gave her camera to our Guide and I took the opportunity the get a picture of both our Guide taking the picture and one of our Assistant Cook.
After taking the picture of our Assistant Cook I had to run away. She really likes when you take a picture of her. Or as she use to say:
- Its only you and the Police that are taking my picture.
She is a member of a group protesting against the construction of a high speed train through her valley. She has a flag she uses to carry around everywhere.
- I like to have pictures of the flag from many different places, she said.
So she asked our Guide and Lebanese Doctor to hold up the flag in front of the church so she could take a picture of the flag.
We had just finished taking the pictures when the Police arrived to the scene with the blue lights on. Obviously they were not happy for this “Political statement” in front of a national monument. They asked for her ID and they checked her up on the radio before letting us go with a slap on our hands.
I didn't know how to top the excitement with the Police, another church? What about a few bottles of wine? I felt like I had been hit by a bus. For sure I was no bright shinning beacon of social competence. The good 'ol hangover made me a little sullen and I felt sorry for our Guide and the girls having to drag me around Rome.
- You don't look so good, they said.
This is not what you want to hear when you are flying in to Rome trying to impress two beautiful girls.
Those knowing me for a long time know there is nothing stopping me when it comes to talking rubbish and playing mischief. Sometimes we are even able to keep an intelligent conversation going for a few minutes. But when I have my hangover I hardly answer questions.
From Piazza smaltire la sbornia grande we walked to the Castel Sant'Angelo. When we came to the entrance our Lebanese Doctor complained about her feet.
- Do you want to go inside? Our Guide asked.
- Or do you want to sit outside resting your feet?
- I don't know, she replied.
- PLEASE SAY NO! I thought for my self, I was really feeling bad. It was a full force 10.
Our Assistant Cook wanted to go inside and they asked me.
- Up to you, I answered.
Well, we ended up paying the 8€ entrance fee. We checked art and there was a roof top terrace with a very nice view over Rome. It was nice to rest our feet while watching the sunset.
Before we left our Guide had to take a few pictures of the girls. He had to go very low because they wanted the statue above them on the picture as well.
On the way up I had passed a few signs saying bar. So when we left the roof we passed a bar. I was very quick to take a seat and I ordered two glass of white wine. Very good, two glass of wine and the world was smiling at me again. I became the bright shining beacon of social competence again.
- Where did Mr. Hangover go?
The wine had such a good effect on me that I ordered two more glasses and suddenly I was a little tipsy.
- Let's leave! someone said.
We left the bar and we walked our way through the museum towards the exit. Our Doctor wanted me to take a picture of her with a painting of a gay with a violin in the back. - No problem, I said.
Problem it was, one of the guards came running screaming something in Italian. Well, being a tourist is not so bad, I pretended to understand fåck all.
- Habbla babbla?
He went on and on about “ prohibito ” and “ photograpica ” and a lot of blah-blah.
- Yeah-yeah, I get the picture!
We finally left the fort and we could continue to explore the city. When we came out we passed over the bridge, just a little delayed by our Doctor checking out all the knick-knacks they were selling. The bridge was full of people selling copies of well known brands. I was in a wee bit hurry to get to some place more fun, at least a place with wine and I said full of hope:
- Let's go, this is all made by child and slave labour, I said.
Obviously this was not an argument because she said.
- The real thing is also made by child labour.
- Why do you want to buy a copy bag.
- Do you know how much a real bag cost? She asked.
- I don't care, but if you buy a bag for 400€ you get a what ever you want to have. If you pay 10€ you only get a Scooby bag.
The only reason I would buy a copy bag or sun glasses is that they try to scare us with terrorism. Have you noticed that after 7/11 everything forbidden supports your local terrorist group. If you buy counterfeit gods it's a terrorist taking the profit. If you jay walk, steeling a chewing gum, don't pay your tax, trying to have fun a Saturday night or if you say something bad about the government there is a terrorist making profit out of it and can blow us all to pieces. Now the government try to scare us with terrorism when ever they want us to do something.
At the end it's the arms industry making the profit, and if they really wanted peace and stop the terrorism they should close all the arm factories and we had to kill each other with spears and sticks, or at least stop making profit from selling the weapons to all the Scooby countries.
I could not convince her to hurry up and our Guide got time to plan our next move. Our doctor was busy turning and scrutinizing every bag she passed while drinking wine from the glass she stole from the bar at the fort. Good to see that's I is not the only one sticking out.
We passed a church and our Doctor wanted to check it out. I had enough of churches and I was a little tipsy so I preferred a glass of wine.
- I wait for you at the restaurant down the road, I said.
I sat down at a table outside and I ordered a glass of white wine. The waiter looked at me like I was something the cat had dragged in.
- This is a restaurant.
I checked the menu and I ordered salmon.
- We are fresh out of salmon, he said.
- Then give me the deep fried pumpkin flowers.
- You don't like this, he said.
- Måterfåcker, I didn't expect the red carpet treatment. But being treated like a backpacker on Sheraton is a wee bit too much, I said to him
When my friends arrived it was another story and when we had ordered a few bottles of wine it was the red carpet treatment all the way and our waiter finally deserved a hug. Well, all of the waiters were hovering around us to give us the best treatment.
They cross examined us about what we were doing in Rome. Our Doctor told them that they could check out my web page. By accident I mentioned that they could find nude pics of our two beautiful girls on the page.
Suddenly all the waiters were gone and when they came back they were a little disappointed, no nude pics. But the waiter that had refused to serve me he told me that he was a web master and that he had made the web page for the restaurant. Check it out if you want.
But it was remarkable that now they had salmon and everything we asked for. I told him about the salmon they were out of.
- No problem!
I had a good evening with two beautiful girls scratching on me and our Doctor had improved her skills since we were on watch together on Rainbow Warrior. Well, we left the place when we had finished their Bailey's.
Well, when we arrived I got treated with the “fåck off ” treatment and when we left it was the red carpet all the way, well, that's life.
I can't help to remember when I was in a restaurant in Sweden with two of my friends. OK, we had a few beers and we were, if not bright shining beacon of sexual magnetism, at least we were a little charming and one of the beautiful waitresses were looking lovingly at us. She was captivated by our youthful charm and she was standing at our table laughing with us. After 1 hour the owner (looking very grumpy) came to our table and he screamed at her:
- If you think they are so funny go ahead and sit down.
Talk about a party killer.
If I remembered it right her sister was taking her exam that day and we were invited to the party. But my friend ended up at the hospital (alltid nån som ska utmärka sig Masken) and, well, maybe we were lucky that we never ended up at the party. We could have given them traumatic experience haunting this people for years to come, so I think they were better off.
My friend called, he had been diving in Pattaya with Masken. They were eating dinner before they drove back to Funky Town. Well, I'm better of staying away from this friend when I have the hangover.
- What are you doing wasting your life in Rome? You are better off coming here.
- Thanks for pepping me up, I said.
This was just what I needed to hear, I'm wasting my life. well, its time to shape up. I told him that I hope to see them next weekend. But I will be busy next week, travel to Stockholm and a whole lot
I was back after 2 and a half hour. I had spent the time walking along the river Tiber. It was a beautiful day but I felt like, yeah, you understand. After three days of white wine and mingling. I hadn't been drinking for three days in a row for almost 10 years.
After 1 evening at the pub I have to spend 2 days in bed. Well, it's the age, but maybe the wine is good for you and you can keep on going for days. Healthy or no, now its no more wine and I had enough of Rome.
I really wished that I had a HYPER SPACE button to press so I could be back in Sweden. When our guide called me he told me that the summer time had became winter time and I had to retard my watch by 1 hour. 1 bonus hour with my hangover, great! Maybe I'm better going out and throw myself in front of a bus.
Before going to meet my friends I wanted to buy some CDs so I could burn my pictures to them. I was walking around looking for CDs without any luck. All shops were open, except shops for CDs and refill for my mobile. I returned to my hotel and I copied all the pictures to a USB memory.
When I was set I called our Guide, but no answer. I took a TAXI to Piazza smaltire la sbornia were I meet them the first day. When I arrived he called and he said that they were waiting at the Spanish Stairs. A few minutes away with TAXI, it took longer to find a TAXI than to go there.
I walked around looking for a TAXI and I was soon at the Spanish Stairs. They were all wearing the Swedish t-shirts I bought in Sweden, they are so sweet. Our Lebanese Doctor had got news from Doctors without borders and she is leaving for Angola and the Cholera tomorrow.
Our Italian girl will return to Torino tonight and her train is leaving at 2250. So this will be our last night together and we will have dinner at our Guides place. Our Lebanese Doctor wanted spaghetti with cream so we had to find a supermarket were we could buy the cream.
While looking for the supermarket we got a last tour through the historical center of Rome. It was a beautiful evening and there were millions of people on the streets.
We didn't find any supermarket and we started to walk back to the Metro. We were almost at the Metro when our Lebanese Doctor found a supermarket. It was in the nick of time, they closed while we were in the shop.
We bought pasta, cheese, salami and wine and we took the 5 minutes walk to the Metro station. There are two subway lines in Rome and we had to change train at the Termini central station. From the central station its 2 stops to our Guides apartment.
Our Lebanese Doctor copied the pictures from my USB memory and she made CDs for our Guide and Assistant Cook while our Guide and the owner of the apartment were making spaghetti. They made 2 kinds of pasta, one with mushroom and one without mushrooms for me. Full service.
We had a nice meal and the owner said it had been nice to have me, even if it was only for a short while. But I must admit that I changed subject very quick every time he mentioned his neighbours.
Obviously there had been a light disturbance the first evening, hmm, can I blame Masken. Well, it was all laughs and I was lucky that Uffe and J weren't around.
If I had my hat on sideways some 10 years ago J can go on and on about it, the only time I made him shut up was when I said that I was struck by motion sickness after our failed taxi ride to Helsingborg. He have not mentioned it once since.
Nice dinner but the sad moment when we had to go and see our Assistant Cook off at the station approached quickly.
She packed her bag and our Guide and I followed her to the station. She was not leaving from the same station she had arrived to, but it was still only two stations with the subway.
The train was delayed and I told her that she was lucky.
- Now you have a few minutes of extra quality time with us.
The train disappeared in the horizon and she was gone, only leaving us behind crying with the sense that it was the last time I saw her.
Last day in Rome
My TAXI was 15 minutes late for the pick up at my hotel. But I managed to be in good time for check in at the airport. I spoke with our Guide and Lebanese Doctor on the way to the airport. She has to stay one more day in Rome before going back to Geneva and Angola.
I just passed through the door to the airport when my wheeled unit broke down. The pulling handle went to pieces.
Rest in peace I thought when I direct my steps towards the shopping area. I had been checking out wheeled Samsonite bags before I left Sweden, but I didn't bought any. I had hopped for my bags to last for another few months.
This one had been with me through the dreaded Brussels airport so I, well, I had expected more from it but now I will go for two Samsonite units. The Samsonite I had checked out in Sweden was a real Best in test bag.
So I was in a good mood when I walked towards the shopping arcade. I entered a bag shop and asked for Samsonite.
- No, but we have Scooby and Mickey Mouse bags. But try the shop next door.
Well, never mind, I can buy new bags in Sweden tomorrow. I searched the airport for trolleys, but I could not find any.
We landed in Copenhagen just after 1600 and the train was leaving Copenhagen airport at 1716. Arriving time 2050 and I had plenty time to read the newspaper.
Exciting news, ja du Masken, d e ju rena Kjell Höglund och “Man vänjer sig” som tagit steget in a data åldern. Fan, har man inget annat att göra än att sitta och porrsurfa en Lördag? Tragiskt!
Det var vid 16-tiden i Lördags som .....
I got my two new Samsonite bags, he told me in the shop that the bag had been tested by Sverker him self.
- Wow! I said impressed.
They gave me a three year world wide guarantee on the bags. I also had a guarantee on the other wreck for bags I have been carried around the last few months. Full guarantee as long as I was in the shop, and I could extend the guarantee by having a Diet Drink with the shop owner. Hell, they gave me a life time guarantee if I stayed in the shop until I was bored to death.
And fat chance I would carry a broken bag around the world to claim any guarantee of him. Sverker would have thrown the darn thing straight in to the trash can without any hesitation.
Maybe I should send my wrecked bag to him. I have no doubt in my mind that he could go on for hour about my bag.
Sverker have walked my bag for miles just to make sure it's OK. I don't hope I have to walk my bag for miles, and if I by perchance (I certainly don't hope so) will be back at Brussels airport it will be like walking together with Sverker.
And again, I have no doubt that he would throw the whole airport in the trashcan were the whole airport belongs.
We can read the following on Sverker's and PLUS web page, best in test. I
I pitched camp in the bag and even though it was a sturdy bag it didn't survived the early morning camping adventure in Malmö.
I have more hope for this bag, I'm too old to pitch camp on the streets of Malmö now. But, well, you are never quite sure, anything can happen after a few ambers. Well, or as Uffe use to say (when he's not calling me in Rome to say that I'm wasting my life)
- Grow up and get a life!
- Why? My flamboyant life style makes you green of envy.
1st of November 2006 and it was not nice to wake up. Brr, it was snowing when I looked out of the window. First snow for me 2006 and I hope it's the last one.
When I went to the train station I was happy that I had bought a quality bag. My Samsonite was easy to pull and you can feel that it's good quality. Feeling is better than looks, or like the Italian TAXI driver that took me to the airport in Rome.
He is arriving late with his Benz, jumping out of the car with a golden watch, rings, necklace and jewellery. Looking expensive and chic, well, I'm sure this was the effect he was hopping for. But it only looked cheap and I would not have trusted him with 1€.
The landscape became whiter and whiter while the train worked its way to the North. I was freezing on the train, but this was nothing comparing getting out on the platform in Lindköping were I changed train.
It was cold, very very cold and I wished that I was back in Rome in my shorts drinking wine in nice gardens with beautiful girls.
It didn't make it better that the train to Stockholm was 20 minutes late. But arriving to Stockholm was a nightmare. A blizzard had passed 5 hours earlier and it was chaos on the streets. Many of the cars were still using summer tyres and it was ice on the streets.
The queue to the TAXI must have been 200 meters long and not a TAXI around. I was lucky because most of the people in front of me gave up and after 90 minutes in the cold wind I got a TAXI. The TAXI driver told me that the traffic was at a stand still and the ride could be expensive.
- Well, it's warm in the TAXI. You don't believe how much I was freezing in the queue, I said.
The streets were full of cars with summer tyres were blocking the streets. They were unable to move and the wheels were only spinning on the ice. But I was lucky with the driver, he knew a short cut and we reached the hotel after 30 minutes. It's normally a 3 minutes ride to the hotel and if we would have taken this way today it would have taken us at least 1 hour. The trip set me back 20€ and I was happy to check in at the hotel several hours late.
I get discount as a sailor and I paid 32€ for the room. Very nice room with free internet and cable TV. If the hotel in Rome was a 4 star hotel this is a 12 star hotel.
After the traffic experience coming to the hotel I ordered a wake up call for 0600, gives me 3 hours to get to the Embassy. I was in the reception and I asked them to call a TAXI.
- TAXI!!?? Forget it, they don't even answer the phone.
I had to take the bus, and luckily enough the busses where running, not all of them, but many. I took #76 from the hotel. They had told me to go to Norrmalmstorg and change to #69 for the Embassy.
I asked the driver if he passed Norrmalmstorg and he did. I hopped onboard the bus and off we drove. At Norrmalmstorg I got off. The driver opened the front door and asked where I was going.
- I'm going to the US Embassy.
I don't know what he said, but it was something about changing bus stop and blah-blah.
- You can stay on this bus, we stop close to the Embassy, he said.
- Great! I said and hopped right back onboard.
At a bus stop he gave me the sign that it was time to go off. I had been the leader of the back seat and I got out in the back. He opened the front door and he pointed forward and he told me that the Embassy was just around the corner.
- Thanks! I said and I left in the snow.
It was a very nice driver, this is the kind of people we want to meet. Hmm, maybe it was because he could hear that I was from Skåne with my dialect.
Same with the girls on the hotel, very nice and helpful. So this will be my obvious stay next time in Stockholm even though I'm in no hurry back to Stockholm.
I really don't understand why they call you for an interview at the Embassy.
- Hello, how are you?
- I'm OK.
- Good, you will have your passport in 5 days.
- Hey! After 5 days in Kalmar I will throw my self in front of a bus.
- OK, we put your passport in the “ EMERGENCY BOX ” tonight and you can have your passport tomorrow.
- Thanks! You saved my life!
They promised to put my passport in the “ EMERGENCY BOX ” and from now on its only “ CUTS AND RAPS ”, I hope. If I don't get my passport tomorrow I have to spend the weekend in Kalmar. And then, as Stickman put it on his web page:
- I'm ready to wrap my laughing device around the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger.
If I get my passport is just to order a ticket to Funky Town, well this time of the year and I expect all flight to be full. But I called AMEX travel service for gold card members before I left for Stockholm. It seem like there is seats in Business class, a long journey should be quick and comfortable.
Comfortable, my friend was flying biz with Thai to Funky Town. The Air hostess looked puzzled when he asked if they could upgrade him to tourist class.
- This business class is very crummy, he said.
Well, this guy is the way he is, but we like him anyway.
And remember, there is always toilet class.
After the Embassy I returned to my hotel to pick up my stuff and I left for the subway. Walking, well, it was more like skidding down the hill to the subway. Once again I praised my decision not to buy the Scooby 3000 or the Mickey XL bag. My cross-country Samsonite handled all the different terrains and state of the roads excellent.
I took the subway to the railway station and from there I took the commuter train to Kalhäll to meet my friend I haven't seen for a few years.
He felt of the train and he is now paralysed. It makes me scared how your life can change in a second. He was kicked out of China and moved to Taiwan, working for Wall Street Journal.
He is fluent in Chinese, we all remember the old famous (or infamous) Blue Fox and the Chinese owner. My friend was sitting there reading the Chinese newspaper with an Afro American.
- Now you have to stop, not even I know how to read the newspaper, the Chinese owner said.
I just want to say that I never read any newspaper at Blue Fox at Ngam Dupli, I was only drinking there.
As a reporter for Wall Street he was travelling the world writing stories and reports. He is also mentioned in a book when he was climbing on Mount Everest. I remember one time when he should make a report on a Dutch guy setting up a microchip factory.
I don't know what happened, but I must have been motion sick quite early because I was sleeping in his hotel room. I heard it knocking on the door in the wee hour and I did as I was used to. I was screaming:
- Tomorrow! No cleaning! Tomorrow!
It's strange, but back in the day I could stay for weeks in a hotel without any cleaning. When they came for cleaning the room I just screamed TOMORROW! Well, when I got older I found out that it was easier to put the “ Do not disturb ” sign on the door. And when you left the room I put the “ Make my bed ” sign on the door instead of screaming tomorrow, they took it literally and came back the day after and we had to repeat the whole story.
Well, they didn't give up and I stumbled to the door. My friend was outside and I just closed the door. I thought it was Masken. Well, I was sleeping when my friend came in with the guy from the reception.
He felt asleep and the LIMO was waiting downstairs to take him to the factory at 0800.
No, it was a terrible accident and I really hope he is getting better. He is married to a girl from Taiwan, a very nice girl and she has no easy life now. But the girls working in his apartment and his wife are something of the nicest I have ever meet. They took really good care of my friend. We had a nice lunch together and a cake. My diet?
- My friend said he could not recognize me because I had got so small.
His wife helps him so he is still travelling around. She asked if I could publish the picture on internet and I put the pictures on internet first thing when I got them. I will put a link here ASAP when his wife have written the story for the pictures.
Well, I was almost starting to cry when the postman arrived, no passport and I swore over the “EMERGENCY BOX” at the US Embassy and life in general. I imagine me spending the weekend in Kalmar and I was close to hurt myself.
I don't know any one in Kalmar and just to sit around wasting my life, as Uffe use to say, is nothing I'm looking forward to. Fåck, I was in a bad mood. Well, my friend from Vinga Helena saved my life. I got an e-mail from him and I asked where he was. He was in Kalmar and I was surprised, I had not expected anyone that I knew to be in Kalmar. We decided to meet for tea.
I decided to walk in the coffee shop and I had to wear all winter equipment available. On my way to the coffee shop Uffe called from Funky Town. Well, he is the way he is and he was only laughing when I told him that I had not got my passport.
- I was almost crying this morning, stuck in Kalmar, I said.
- What BIP is there to do in Kalmar? He asked.
- Fåck all, I just passed a sign saying CD sale. Maybe I can kill 2 minutes there, who the BIP is buying CDs today?
- You will have a nice weekend in Kalmar, he said while screaming of laughter.
- I'm crying, I said.
- When you are ready with the CD sale you can walk the park searching for empty beer cans.
If I had expected comforting words from him I would have been disappointed.
I arrived to the coffee shop and I saw my friend sitting in a sofa and on the opposite side there was a girl sitting. She was in the same class as he in the navigation school and she is a Second Officer in Broström. I got a bottle of mineral water, I'm on a diet, remember?
- Thanks for saving my life, I said.
I told him the story about my passport and having to sit in Kalmar over the weekend. I was about to jump from a bridge when you told me that you were in Kalmar.
I told him about my misery and that I wished noting good for the “ EMERGENCY BOX ” at the US Embassy. I have to sit here the whole weekend and at best I will have my passport on Monday.
Shit, stuck in Kalmar and nothing to do. I told him about the CD sale.
- Let's go, he said.
- Who is buying CDs today? I asked.
The girl were growing tired of us and she disappeared for a birthday party. I and my friend took a stroll through Kalmar. We passed Åhlens and the CD sale.
- Are you ready for some excitement? He asked.
- Are you sure we can handle all the excitement?
We stepped in side.I could not believe my eyes.
- Who wouldn't like to buy a Benny Goodman CD? I asked my friend.
- HEY! Julias Iglesis, no CD collection is complete without it!
- HEY! this is the one, MELODIFESTIVALEN 2006 is the one that going to turn the neighbours green of envy!
Needless to say we left in a jiff. We were ready with the original, yes, the original Friday boredom killer and we went to buy beer next door, at least there is more to choose from. We were a wee bit disappointed with the CD sale, but we were in an up beat mood when we entered SYSTEMBOLAGET. I told him about the pros and cons with white wine.
- Never mind if its no good wine, just add some ice and it goes down with no problem.
When it was time to pay the girl didn't ask for ID.
- Why aren't you asking for ID? You have to ask when there is any doubt that the customer isn't old enough!
- You mean the upper age limit? She asked.
- Are you impudent? I asked
I was indignant when I left the SYSTEMBOLAGET.
On my way back home it was freezing cold. I came up with a CRAZY idea. I will go and check the gas station for
Believe it or not, my passport was at the gas station and I was ready to build a shrine to the “ EMERGENCY BOX ” at the US Embassy and build a new religion around it. I called AMEX travel service right on. Lufthansa is full, next seat available is next Wednesday.
I called the travel agency that sold my trip to Rome. We have a seat in business class on KLM tomorrow. Well, KLM is not my favourite, I was a gold member in their frequent flyer program with a few free flights to Funky Town. But every time I wanted to make a reservation it was full.
- You can take your frequent flyer programme, miles, airline and business class lounges and shove them where the sun doesn't shine.
I changed to STAR alliance, but now it's full and I was desperate to get away. KLM have a small biz section and are more comfortable than the Lufthansa flight operating from Frankfurt. But Lufthansa operates with Airbus to Munich and that's the best. You are sitting in a box and when it's time to sleep your box becomes like a small cabin.
Last time when we left we were delayed due to a broken seat, of course, if someone has paid 3 - 5000€ for a seat they want to be able to enjoy the comfort of a fully functioning seat.
The stewardesses were running around with universal pliers and the passengers gave good advises. Well, I missed my connection flight.
Well, arriving to Funky Town international was not a nice experience. Brand new airport and no trolleys for the hand luggage. Trotting on and on and finally I reached the immigration and the baggage claim area. What the BIP??!!
There was not a trolley to get and I went to the information.
- Where are the trolleys for the luggage?
- No have! Many airplanes arrived at the same time.
For fåcks sake! They are flying after a schedule and its not like 100 aircrafts felt down on the runway from a blue sky. I was at least to say, irritated. I told them that this was the worst airport I had ever visited.
Why bother building a new airport when it turns out worse than the old one?
I was soon home, 30 minutes with TAXI and my hat was hanging on the hat peg. The first thing I did when I came home was to put my new table cloth on the kitchen table. I got it from our Lebanese Doctor when she left us in Istanbul. When I put the tablecloth on my table I found a parcel from our 2nd Engineer on Rainbow Warrior. She had sent me some CDs with Hip Hop from Africa. Well, after that it did not take long until we had a drink in front of us.
Well, after a few drinks (2 bottles of vodka) we went to see another friend, yeah, the famous blues DJ from San Francisco.
Haven't seen him for a year and we are knocking on his door in the middle of the night. He opens in his underwear and we steps right in. He opened a beer and we just continued our discussion were we left it 1 year ago.
He played blues (Surprise) music for us and I told him that it sounded familiar. He showed me a RL Burnside CD that I didn't have.
- I thought I recognized the music, I said.
- Yeah, you introduced me to RL
Well, we soon left for disco at RCA, a street full of clubs and discos wall to wall so there is plenty to choose from. We had a bottle of ABSOLUT on the table before very long. Plenty people and a good time, well, the day after is another story.
I woke up in my sofa the day after with missed call on my mobile. Well, after three bottles of vodka your still in a good mood, brave and handsome when you wake up. I didn't bother calling my friend that thought I had wasted my life in Rome. I wasn't that brave, but there was another unknown number. I called and it was a girl we meet at the disco.
We decided to meet at a restaurant at 2000, I never learn. I'm 22 and this would not be my first hangover and at 3 o'clock in the afternoon you feel like, well, if not a million at least 20 Scooby Dollars. Of course it will be nice to see you at 2000, but at 2000 you just want to commit suicide.
I arrived in a TAXI and I had no clue what so ever how she looked. I saw one girl that looked like she was waiting for someone. (I was hiding) I called on the phone, it was not her and I was happy.
At 7 o'clock my hangover reached a full force 10 and it wasn't any better at 8, I just wanted to go home. One second you were freezing cold and the next second it was like sitting in a sauna. Shadows were coming and going and I was wincing and flinching regularly, to put the matter in a nutshell, I had a hangover. And it was not one of those Scooby Doo hangovers, this was the real thing.
I had been at a Japanese restaurant with my friend just before, I wanted to be full. Eating at Marriott can be an eyesore for the spectators and I knew that I would not make a good impression. Going from dancing on the table cracking jokes to a dumb, sweating guy wincing at every sound. But at least I could try to improve the impression by not digging in to the bowls at Marriott. And believe me, this is on my top 5 restaurants I have ever been to.
It's a little embarrassing, now they start to call me by name.
- Hey Aladdin! You're back!
I can't help it, but I'm always coming back. Now they have a chocolate fountain. I mean, this chocolate leaves nutella (my favourite) way behind. It's so delicious I'm sure it's against the law, or it ought to be. It's just to fill up a bowl and I'm stuck.
I was suffering and I was hopping that one of all the airplanes falling down at the airport making trouble for the trolley guy could fall down on me ending my pain.
I really had no wish to go see a movie, but I try to be nice. This was pure horror for 2 hours, non stop agony and pain. I was drinking water like a horse, but I didn't manage to alleviate hangover. When the movie was over I disappeared in a TAXI with the words:
- They called me for an important business trip and I will be back in about 5 years, please don't forget me.
I was in my bed in a jiff, impossible to fall asleep and as Kjell Höglund says: The night hours stretches like rubber band while waiting for the absent-minded sleep.
Hmm, you meet all kind of people when your out drinking vodka. I was out shopping for a birthday gift when I heard someone call Aladdin. I was happy that I had left my hangover behind, this is nothing you wish for when you're running around with a hangover.
I turned around and I saw a few guys dressed like real hardcore Hip Hoppers.
- Do you remember us?
- Of course, I lied.
For sure I remembered that we had gone to RCA and that we had kept the places open long. I also remembered good music and tasty drinks. But who I meet, and to recognize them on top of that is to push it a little too far.
- We meet you at the disco on RCA last Sunday.
- Yeah, I remember.
- We left you at the TAXI.
- Next weekend we will be at the Slim club, next to the Funky club at RCA. Do we see you there?
- I don't know, my friend's girl friend's little sister is coming back from Vietnam on Friday and they want to have a party, I said.
I came up with the idea:
- Lets see what happen, I call you and you can pop over. They will cook and we can chill out with some good music and maybe a drink.
I'm lucky they like to cook in my kitchen
I don't have to do it, I only have to make sure there are cold cocktails for the Cook
Hmm, I must remember to put my friend's girlfriend in charge of my entertainment centre. We had kept the music a wee bit high on the Richter scale last Sunday. I and my friend were on the way to send a post card to our 2nd Engineer on Rainbow Warrior thanking for the CDs. I didn't have her e-mail so a post card will be nice.
We were outside the office when out Accountant came smiling.
- Aladdin! You are back!
- Our Manager has got a new job and he is not working here any more.
- Who is the manager now? I asked.
-I'm the new Manager, she said
- You neighbours were complaining about the music yesterday
- Are you angry? I asked
- I can not be angry at you Aladdin, she replied.
- You can be angry at my friend, I suggested and pointed at my friend.
- Well, then its better I'm angry at you, she said.
I had planned to start my new life with school and a healthy lifestyle. I spoke with our Assistant Cook until 6 o'clock in the morning and I said to her that I would go to school in just a few hours. Honestly, my plan was to go to school, but I didn't wake up until 3 in the afternoon. No school that day.
The day after the were coming to repair my refrigerator and to deliver my plants that I bought, no school that day, I was home waiting. I was prevented to go to school every day and suddenly it was Friday. And Friday is not a good day to start school.
- Now it's Friday and we have been healthy for almost the whole week. Now we can have a drink without feeling bad about it, I said.
- Well, anyway, a Friday comes with a drink, my friend said.
I don't think my neighbours spending their weekend celebrating our life style. But this time we really managed to keep the music low
- Hmm, did you notice that I said “our” lifestyle and not my? Feels a lot better not to be alone fåcking up.
Well, anyway, we left early for a club 2 minutes walk from my place and I was back 5 o'clock in the morning. There was an SMS from our Assistant Cook and I made the wise move and called her. I kept her busy until 0730 and when I woke up I decided never to call again. Now it's enough of making a complete tit out of myself.
- By now she must think I'm a real troglodyte
Needless to say, I spent most of the Saturday in bed and I didn't come up until my friend and his girlfriend had picked up her younger sister at the airport. She had been on holiday in Vietnam and now she wanted to go to disco and she was meeting up with a friend in a place I never heard off.
Before we left another friend showed up that I had not seen in many years.
- Disco??!! Great, I'm coming with you, he said.
We took a TAXI and, well, it was far. We were in the TAXI for an hour before we ended up at a very big disco. We meet the friend of the younger sister. She had arrived to town in a bus and before soon we had a table full of beers.
I was back home at 6 o'clock and believe me, now I'm way too old for this 5 - 6 o'clock in the morning drinking sessions. When I got out of bed at 3 o'clock you might think I had had plenty sleep. The phone had been ringing all morning and you guessed right. “ Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” was the first one to call to vex me.
My living room was full of people listening to music when I came out of bed and I returned to lick my wounds in my bedroom. I spent two hours plucking up courage before going out.
We went for dinner (I had two milkshakes) with the girls. My friend's girlfriend's younger sister was leaving today with her friend. After dinner we took them of at the train station. Then we went to a cinema, one of those were you watch the movie from a bed. They gave you a blanket and pillow and you could sleep through the whole turkey. Well, this movie didn't require a bed to make you fall asleep.
Next to me was a guy claiming to be from Canada.
- What's the name of the capital? I asked.
- Hmm, Victoria or Montreal, he replied.
- Well well, what do you know? You're sure you're from Canada?
He introduced me to some kind of ID and I was not impressed.
- I can have a ID saying that I'm the King of Babylon in less than 1 hour, I said.
I told him that there is not many people (except the people living in the country) knowing the capital of Canada, Australia and South Africa. I asked about the capital in Australia and I never got an answer. He woke me up one hour later:
- The capital of Australia, he said.
- PLEASE! Did you wake me up for this?
Well, the day after it was time for yet another goodbye, my friend was leaving in the evening and he meet my other friend arriving before he left. OK, we had time for a pizza together before my friend left for the airport.
I will have my friend living here for another two days and when he is leaving I will leave town for a few days. My friend went shopping and I was home waiting for the technician for my refrigerator. It was a NO SHOW and I went to see my friend. Well, his gone shopping and he meet an old friend from when they worked for SAS technical department, and the shopping was soon forgotten.
We had been in a pub yesterday and I had been drinking soda the whole evening, so he asked if a wanted a soda water when I meet him. I didn't want him to think I'm a total bore when he's leaving tomorrow.
- I go for a beer, I said.
It was still daytime and I knew exactly how the morning would be a few hours later when we were in a ice bar drinking vodka shots. Well, this was not enough, 30 minutes later another friend arrived with his wife. They had arrived from Sweden yesterday and they went by for a drink.
To make a long story short. I got drunk and I had yet another time postponed my new healthy life to another day. My refrigerator is full of salad that will go bad now. I bought salad and Balsimico so I could start my new life today, but it seems impossible. I have the throw the salad tomorrow and believe me, it's not the first time.
It's time to leave town, I will go visit my brother and my flight will bring me back to my new life Sunday night. I got an e-mail asking how much luggage I will bring so he would know if he should rent a car or if he could come with the cabriolet. An American car that drinks 2,5 litres/ 10km. It's like driving a waterbed and I don't like to drive those American cars.
I was driving for them in Helsingborg and I kept my 50km/h and they were screaming that I was driving to fast.
- MAX 20km/h
It was a Impala cabriolet and they were drinking and screaming. When we reached the red light before the highway I floored the pedal and 2000kg Impala took of like a bullet from a gun. Glasses and bottles were flying around. This was the last time I drove for them.
I don't like to drive, well, on the highway its kind of OK. I remember one time when I drove to Mölle to pick up a few cases of beer.
My friend had a boat and he had been in Denmark buying stuff. He had a few cases of SVORT GULD for me. I went to pick them up and we took off to the marina and the boat. It was a 5 minutes ride and on the way one of my friends told the rest of us how he remembered picking me up after my first lesson at the driving school.
- I was waiting outside the school when Aladdin came back with the car. He was in the passenger seat.
There was nothing stopping him.
- The teacher had to drive the car back to the school, he said while wetting his pants laughing.
DARN! I will show him, I thought and floored the pedal. There was a little gravel in the last curve to the marina. Well, I lost the grip and suddenly I was left with two choices. A stone wall and a lamp post and I made the obvious choice, the lamp post.
I could not believe my luck, the lamp post bent down so it was lying on the ground. My passengers were sitting quiet with eyes like saucers.
- Hey! We're standing over the lamppost. It's just to put the car in reverse and back of the lamp post.
My plan was to disappeared quicker than we had hit the lamp post
- Hold on! I said while putting the car in reverse.
My plan backfired big time. It was a Swedish lamp post and as J use to say: SAFETY FIRST. So the lamp posts are made like a rubber band, when you hit the lamp post it just bend down on the ground. When you remove the car the lamp post get back up in a upright position.
Now you can imagine the lamp post getting back up while I was backing off. The lamp post rose under the car and lifted the front. It was not possible to get anywhere. We were stuck and I throw my self out of the car starting to take pictures of the car and lamp post. Then I went to the hose next to us so I could call a tow truck. We waited and waited and I went back in and asked for the phone again.
What a surprise, when I came back out from the house the police had arrived. I looked in to the car and I thought:
- WOW! They sent plenty police officers for this accident.
Well, it turned out to be my friends handcuffed in the car. One of the officers asked me what happened.
(is this not obvious?)
- There are blood all over, is anyone hurt? They asked
- Blood, you have beaten up my friends, I said.
They had attacked the police when they arrived and now they were handcuffed after a few strokes with the police baton. Well, they drove one of them to the police headquarter in Helsingborg, some 20 - 30 km away. We could read in the news paper the day after that they had to throw him of at Sofiero and they didn't fail to mention that he was known to the police and this was not the first incident he had with them.
Well, one of the guys got a motorcycle of his parents with the condition that he would never see us again. I don't know what happened with him, I haven't meet him after this incident.
The second guy that was “known” to the police was found dead by a OD in Copenhagen a few years later and it was not in the exclusive part of Copenhagen. What a shame, 20 something and ending his life like that. Grief beyond comprehension for his parents, he was the only child.
The third guy appeared in TV a few years later. It was a magazine taking up the interesting subject on how criminals could go free. He had fired a shotgun in someone's face and he walked free. He was also the only child and his parents were not very happy, they could not go out in their home village after this incident. The last I heard of this guy was that he had been on a party. He was drunk and he drove of on a motorcycle without the helmet. Well, he spent many years at the hospital and I think he's still at the hospital.
Well, it's time to pack my weekend bag. My friend will leave tonight and I'm on a 9 o'clock in the morning flight out of here. We had breakfast, tea, pretzel and Parma cheese I bought in Rome. This was the only stuff I had home, except water and beer and of course the destroyed salad.
Well, I will bring my Hip Hop generator and I don't have to listen to one single song with Elvis Presley. Lucky me, it's a 4 hour ride from the airport and after 12 minutes with Elvis or worse (is it possible) I would be ready to jump out of the car.
We will leave the airport with smoking and screaming tyres and the Hip Hop blasting high on the Richter scale. But before this I have to see my friend off tonight and I also have a pounding hangover that gets worse by the minute.
Hmm, maybe I can squeeze in a quickie to Marriott tonight. I mean, their chocolate fountain has noting to do in my new and healthy life taking off on Monday so this might be the last time.
16th of November 2006 and I woke up at 5 thirty in the morning and after a shower I left for the airport with only my weekend bag. It's strange how my packing has changed over the years. Well, it has always been the same weekend bag, but the contents have changed over the years. When I was smoking and using snus the bag was full of Swedish snus and cigarettes and a toothbrush.
I kept the rest of the luggage in my valet. But today you can find a book and computer in my bag.
When I came to the airport I checked in at the carry on luggage only desk. No queue to talk about and I were through the immigration in 10 minutes. Well, I must say that I maybe I had rushed in to conclusions at arrival. The departure hall in the new airport was one of the best I have ever been in. There was trolleys for the luggage and there were plenty shops, bars and restaurants, and by restaurants I mean the real stuff. Not the ordinary run a around with a tray and plastic cups and stuff.
Well, not long after taking my seat on the plane I felt a sleep.
- Excuse me Sir
- Excuse me Sir
- Excuse me Sir
- Excuse me Sir! The Steward screamed in my ear and I almost wetted my pant.
- What is it?
- Peanuts Sir?
- HEY! Did you wake me up for peanuts?
I was soon a sleep again and it was the same story again.
- Excuse me Sir
- Excuse me Sir
- Excuse me Sir
- Excuse me Sir! The Steward screamed in my ear and I almost wetted my pant.
- What is it?
- Dinner Sir?
- HEY! NOW IT'S THE SECOND TIME YOU WAKE MY UP!
- Very sorry Sir!
They came back with a DO NOT DISTURB sticker and put on my chair and I was soon a sleep again. I woke up just in time for the landing
It was raining at arrival and I was happy that my brother didn't come to pick me up in his FireBird cabriolet. He had rented a car and driver and we were soon on the way. We didn't look forward to the 3 hours drive, but we enjoyed a couple of Diet Drinks and I enjoyed the landscape. My brother asked if I wanted to stay in his house or at a hotel. Well, you know me and I have this thing for hotels and we had time to call and make a reservation. He has a friend running a hotel, but I choose the hotel next to theirs, I wanted a swimming pool.
Before checking in at the hotel we checked out his house. It was a nice house with the living room full of aquariums. Before we fired up the FireBird we checked a few videos when they had Drag racing competitions. They run every month and my brother is racing with a 50 year old Chevrolet, or was it a Ford?
Well, anyway, there is a big engine in the darn thing with several hundreds horse powers and according to one of the guys we meet it was like riding an airplane. He also let us understands that he had been very scared last time he was in the car approaching a curve in full speed.
But the FireBird is not bad either. During the 5 minutes raid to the hotel with a roaring V8 engine we must have used at least 10 litres of gasoline and we must have wasted 1 cm on the back tyres. Well, never mind, if Greenpeace can we can and the world is doomed anyway.
After checking in we moved over to the hotel next door. Obviously this was the place were they used to meet and we had a few drinks.
- Where is the music? I asked.
- They are watching soccer, was the reply.
Well, this was exactly what we wanted and I asked for a disco or another nice place to visit. We asked for the bill and we were soon disappearing in a cloud of gravel after the car.
Our first stop was a sorry excuse for a disco, but it said disco on the front door and we entered. It didn't take long until we had a few drinks in front of us. But we only had one round, this was not what we had expected.
We were soon on the way again. But before leaving I asked the owner why it said DISCO in big letters over the entrance door. Next stop, well, I think it was the stop after and this was the last stop for the night. I'm too old for this 5 o'clock in the morning stuff.
But one thing is the same all over the world, people's interest in my headgear. In honour of the evening I wore one of my own designed caps. I use my headgears to cover up a beginning baldness, but what good is it doing when everyone wants to wear my headgears. Well, I can as well go for the spray can.
Waking up was no nice experience.
- YOO! Was I hit by a train yesterday?
It took a very long time to get out of bed and I walked over to the next hotel for my breakfast. My brother and some of the other gays were there already.
The first thing a saw when walking over there was the FireBird on the parking outside the hotel. Right side front wheel was missing, a flat tyre and they had come to pick up the wheel to change the tyre.
I was drinking water like a horse while waiting for the wheel to come back and when they came back with the wheel we left for the bank. And we were back at 3 o'clock. One of the guys we meet the first evening was having a party at 5 o'clock. I was in a very bad shape and I had planned to spend the time in the swimming pool. On my way to the hotel I thought that I should check out the beach and I continued my walk pass the hotel and a few minutes later I was on the beach. Sometimes Aladdin is just wandering around with a hangover.
On my way back to my hotel I stopped at the restaurant next to the hotel. I had a Diet Drink talking with the girls working there. They were treating me with suspicion. I was asking for good places to spend the evening and after a lot of trouble I found out that they were going to a place called Pier 1.
Pier 1 is an out door disco styled place with a live band. Live band, I hope I can stay off the stage, you know me and a guitar. A few years ago I went to a ROCK Club with Masken. I entered the stage and I asked for the guitar. On stage I had a good view over the audience. They were full of expectations.
- Finally a real rocker on the stage!
I could also see Masken hiding, he knew what was going to come.
The rest of the band where stand-by to rock on, they really thought that they had an exotic star on the stage. They could not hide their disappointment when I started Smoke on the water with one string.
Well, that's another story. Hmm, where were we? Oh yes, the Pier 1 and the restaurant. I ordered one more Diet Drink and when I left they wanted to make sure that I was coming to Pier 1. We started off with them being a little suspicious about me, but after my first Diet Drink it was all laughs.
They wrote down the address and the number to TAXI before I left for my hotel and a shower. A quick power nap would not hurt me either.
- Now we know you're a nice guy, was the last thing they said when I left.
When I came back to my hotel the pool area was full of people and I asked in the reception what was going on.
- It's a birthday party.
I went to check it out, you know, I walked up there like I wanted to watch the ocean view.
- HEY! Sit down have some pizza!
I didn't want to destroy the party by saying that I was on a diet. I joined the party and when they discovered my camera they went crazy about me taking pictures of them.
We killed a few hours and when they left the hotel I went to my room for a shower. I almost felt a sleep on the bed after the shower. My hangover was hitting an all time high and I wished I was back home in my own bed.
I got dressed and I left for a meal, I passed the hotel next door to see if they had returned from the party. I was walking around a little and I stopped at one place for a drink before returning to my hotel and my bed. I was so tired that I could not care less about Pier 1 or anything else. But back in my bed I could not sleep, nothing else was expected with this kind of hangover and I was in my bed writing on my web page until 6 o'clock in the morning.
Tomorrow it's Saturday and I will be ready for new adventures. I will go to the restaurant next door first thing when I wake up tomorrow afternoon and tell them how disappointed I am at them. Maybe I will have a tear rolling down my cheek just to make it look better.
- I was at Pier 1 looking for you all night long.
But I will be very forgiving and I will suggest:
- But I'm a nice guy and I will give it a new chance tonight.
Saturday and my last day before returning home to my new life tomorrow.
Det var vid 16-tiden i Lördags som .....
Well, first of all I have to start the day with trying to sneak by the girl in the reception. She is always stopping me and asking me to make the sound. The sound, a little whistling. For me it comes automatically, I ask for the key.
- Can I have my Tssi ssi please?
Now she asks me to do the sound every time she sees me and, well, it is a little bit embarrassing.
I walked to Harley's first thing for a pot of tea and a cheese and ham toast. I felt like a million, no hangover and I was entertaining the staff. (Later on parts (female) of the staff interviewed my friends about me) Well, it doesn't take much to impress the girls here. A guy drinking tea and water instead of beer and vodka is nothing they are very used to see.
I had been there for a few minutes when the first guy arrived (for the second time this day) and he was looking at my tea pot.
- It's not allowed to drink tea here, he said.
We talked about yesterday and I told him that I spent the evening on my room, except for a few hours at the birthday party. When I ordered my second pot of tea yet another guy arrived and not long after my brother arrived in his car.
After yet another pot of tea someone came up with the idea of a trip to the next town, hmm, I'm really not sure what to call it. It's just a little too big to call a village and I don't want to call it a town.
Well, my brother wanted to go home and the other guy went to his hotel room for a rest as well. It was only me and the guy arriving first left to go. He have a car that sounds like a fighter plane.
- Fåck, I'm filling her up with 100 litres in the morning and I'm out of gas after two trips down here, he complained.
I paid my tea and I hopped in to his car and we left with a roaring engine. My hotel is between Harley's and the hotel were the girls from yesterday is working. When we passed their hotel I asked him to stop. I jumped out of the car and I rushed in to the restaurant to ask where they had been yesterday.
We agreed to meet at Pier 1 at 2300 and I left with my friend. When we reached the intersection to the big road my brother was waiting for us. Obviously he had changed his mind and now he wanted to join us.
After a 10 minutes ride we arrived to a bar and I could sense that drinking tea would not be appreciated. I ordered a beer and from there on things deteriorated quickly. At least there was music and we didn't had to listening to a soccer game from a big TV screen.
We stayed for a while and I must admit that the beer gets you in a better mood than drinking tea. So we were in a good mood when we left for the beach next to my hotel. There is a floating bar anchored off the beach with a raft taking the passengers in and out. This raft is pulled in and out on a rope between shore and the floating bar and the ride takes a few minutes.
As you understand there was no air conditioner on the floating bar and it was very hot, but we had two beers before we wanted to return. We just waved at the raft that was waiting to pick up guests on the beach. 10 minutes later we stood on the beach again. We had enough adventure for the afternoon and we returned to Harley's next to my hotel.
It was convenient, I needed a shower and a change so I left Harley's after a few more beers.
After my shower I went to the hotel next door to confirm 2300 with the girls.
- It's better you come and pick us up at 2200, they said.
- Great idea, I said.
2200 gave me a few hours and I took the 1 minute 37 seconds walk to Harley's. No one around and I sat down in the bar so I could change a few words with the staff. My brother arrived just after 8 o'clock, some two hours late. When he arrived the turned on the soccer and we left for a place up the road.
We meet a few of my brother's friends and the time turned quick.
- Soon 22. I have to go, I said.
I came up with the smart idea to go pick up the girls in my brother's car.
- Anyone of you cares to go to Pier 1?, I asked.
- Pier 1? what the BIP is that?
They didn't have a clue about Pier 1, they never heard of the place. But they wanted to join in and I suspect they were more interested in the girls than in Pier 1.
We arrived to the hotel and the girls were waiting. I don't lie to you, but when they saw my friends they started to cry. One of them was hiding under the table and the other one disappeared. I was ashamed, yes, this was much more embarrassing than waking up on our Guide's living room floor. I sent away my friends and it took me a long time to convince the girls that they were nice guys. I'm still not sure I managed to convince them, but after a while we could call a TAXI.
The girls told me that they had never been so scared in the whole life. But it was soon all laughs again and we were soon sitting around a table watching a show. Good music and a few drinks make the world look a little better.
Hmm, I'm getting too old for this 4 - 5 o'clock in the morning stuff. And if I didn't knew it before I for sure noticed when it was time to leave my hotel. I meet a Swedish guy being here to play in the pool world championship and he was leaving today. We agreed on sharing a TAXI to the airport. We will leave after the boxing game, around 14 - 1500.
When I came with my weekend bag to Harley's it was crowded, everyone was there to see the boxing. I had a pot of tea and my hangover was driving me crazy. I asked if they could get a TAXI for me.
- I'm not in a mood to wait until the boxing is over, I said.
Obviously the whole country was watching the boxing and I had to sit down wait for it to be over. I really wanted to leave, but I was stuck and I didn't want to miss my flight. I wanted out of the country and the sooner I was on Scooby International the better. I could not believe my luck when one of the boxers won on KNOCK-OUT in the third round.
- LETS LEAVE! I said and we were soon leaving Scoobyville and Subic Bay behind.
Ok, it was Sunday and not much traffic, but we made a record braking trip to Scooby International. Just over 2 hours, comparing with the 4 hours when I arrived Thursday afternoon. Check in was not yet open so I had to go to a restaurant waiting for the check in counter to open. I killed 2 hours at the restaurant, and believe me, with a hangover force 9,8 the time don't turn very quick.
I was told that the check in would start at 1755 and when I returned there were plenty people waiting in line. The queue was moving slowly forward when someone I recognized came up and asking if this was the line for Thai Airways. He asked me in English, but he recognized me as well and as soon as we knew each other we started to speak Skånska.
We were informed that the flight was delayed from 2020 to 2100 when we checked in. When we had passed the immigration we could see that the new departure time was 2150 on the monitors. More than two hours to kill and we paid 400 of the wood dollars to get access to a waiting lounge on the 4th floor.
My new life
Before going to bed I put my alarm on 7 o'clock and I got out of bed at 1300. OK, I missed class, but I had a slight cold and I thought I was better off with a day of.
My friend called and asked if I wanted to take a Hip Hop course at Siam Square.
- What the BIP is that?
- My wife's friend is taking on a Hip Hop course and she want to know if you want to join.
A Chinese girl on a Hip Hop course, now I heard it all. I asked him how she knew about me.
- My wife told her about you.
- Why is she taking a Hip Hop course? I asked.
- She said that she has everything in her life except a man.
I could not believe my ears. I found out that she is working at a pharmaceutical manufacturer and that she had enough money for me to stop work. I would not mind an early retirement, but if you're going for an early retirement a Chinese girl is a bad move. Chinese is always working hard (saving everything) for the next generation and if you can't convince them that you are the last generation you end up working 24/7 with no money at all.
And don't bother ask for a few cents for a Diet Drink, doesn't matter if it Saturday or not.
- WHAT! THIS IS FOR THE BABIES! DO YOU WANT THEM TO STARV?
Well, so it goes on for generations accumulating billions on the bank, all for nothing. Well, anyway, I can't see any use for it.
I was walking down the street when I ran in to my teacher.
- Hey Aladdin! Why aren't you in school?
- I have a slight cold
I told her that I had planned to be in class at 1300 tomorrow afternoon and I was off for more fun stuff. Hmm, 1300 and I must be in bed early tonight. I have morning school and now afternoon school as well. I remember one time at the afternoon school.
The teacher was sitting opposite me asking questions about my home work. I can't believe it, I felt asleep and she had to wake me up. 3 times in one hour she told me. I agreed on one time, but three times is impossible I told her. First she had been angry and then she had been laughing.
Well, not only the morning and afternoon school. I spoke with my friend's wife and now I have to dash of for the Hip Hop school at 1700, first class on Wednesday.
- Hmm, maybe I can impress my neighbours by showing them a degree from the Hip Hop school next time complaining about the music.
Next time they knock on the door I will scream:
- HEY! DON'T DISTURB ME! I'M TRYING TO DO HOMEWORK HERE!
21st of November 2006 and it was first day in school. OK, I skipped morning class, I still have a slight cold. But I made it out of bed for the 1300 class.
But tomorrow it will be a full day, morning and afternoon classes and Hip Hop school at 1700. The girl called me and we made an appointment to meet at 1630 tomorrow at the sky train station.
- What can you do? She asked.
I was not sure what she meant and I told her to explain what she meant.
- Yeah, we have to dance. Turn around or play a little drums or something.
- Are we going to dance? I asked.
- Of course, why are you going to Hip Hop school? She asked.
I thought we should learn how to point our fingers in all kind of directions while shouting YOO! and RESPECT! Well, seriously, I didn't had a clue what we will do at the school, but dancing, no thanks. I will have to wrap my foot in bandage and tell them that I felt in front of the train. The good ol' bandage, a safe bet.
I remember being at a disco in Sweden with my friend, it was Yaki-Da or New yaki, I don't know. We used to get kicked out from this place every time we went there. Well, anyway, we took place at a table next to a few girls. We ordered a few bottles of wine and the spirit was high.
The girls asked us if we wanted to dance, well, we didn't. My friend started to dance in the sofa and the girls went to get the security. Well. the security asked us to leave when they came to our table.
- You are not allowed to dance in the sofa!
- Do you think we need to impress these girls by dancing in the sofa? I asked.
He looked at the girls and said no. We could stay with our wine and the girls had to leave. Of course, you can not harass respected customers.
Time for a bonus picture, we have not seen them around for a while and we need to spice up the page before we throw our self out from the balcony.
Well, as I said, I said yes to the Hip Hop course after a lot of consideration and hesitation, and now it sounds like I had asked if I could join her for the class.
Wednesday 22nd of November 2006 was a busy day. I started with my morning class 1 hour late. I woke up at 7 o'clock for my 9 o'clock class. I was still affected by my cold so I took a TAXI home after 1 hour. I was also tired from lack of sleep and I was hoping that I could catch 30 minutes on top of my bed before my afternoon class.
I got stuck in the traffic and I gave up the idea and I went for a quick lunch before my afternoon class. I finished school at 1500 and I should meet the Chinese girl at 1630, the Hip Hop course started at 1700.
Well, I had been pre warned about the dancing at the course and I expected the dance to be a few COOL moves that could come in handy on the dance floor. When they had thought us the COOL moves I had expected lounging and chilling with good music while improving and discussing the moves. I even expected to learn a few cool lines. I mean, RESPECT and YOO is not bad. But honestly, how many times does a young and good looking female want to hear a slightly too heavy Swede that covers the beginning baldness with a stupid cap shouting RESPECT!
After a few RESPECT and YOO's she will be ready to drink poison and it would have been nice to be able to alter between RESPECT and some other cool thing.
Well, the Hip Hop school was a regular dance school and I was watching the class from a safe distance. They were jumping, spinning and flutter their arms. Every now and then they threw them self's on the floor and did a few spins and flips. I could not believe my luck that I didn't brought the change of cloths. I would have been the laughing stock and talk of the town for years to come. I think about it with horror and I can just imagine what they would have thought about me if I had refused to dance despite bringing the cloths for change, I would have made a total tit of my self.
No, I was sitting drinking water talking with a guy from Brazil while the girls were dancing. It was only girls in the class and I have no doubt that it would have been a good move to join in. Well, of course you need to be a little athletic. The girls would have been screaming of laughter if I tried to do some of the stuff they were up to on the floor.
I will be better of at the cooking course I will attend in the beginning of December. Well, we have to give credit to
“ Why are you wasting you life in Rome ”, he is responsible for this one.
- Hey Aladdin! My wife was been to a cooking course. There are only girls and they all drive Jaguars and Benzes to the school.
I called his wife and I asked if she could book a course for me. She booked a course starting 0900 4th of December to 8 of December. 3 hours a day for 5 days will make me a Chef.
My new life 2
- You have started your new life every Monday as long as a I known you!
Yeah, you guessed it, there is nothing stopping Mr “ Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” when it comes to pester me.
We had just left Marriott and the had to shot me in to his car after our visit to the restaurant. I had agony for eating too much and I decided to start my new life on Monday.
- You called me yesterday and suggested Marriott for today so I went yesterday as well, I said.
- Did you go yesterday as well? He asked.
- My new life was in full swing, but when you suggested Marriott for today I could as well let my new life go down the drain yesterday and I went to Marriott, I said.
But on Monday we will start to kick ass, I just wait for my new refrigerator so I can fill it up with apples and carrots.
I had just plugged in my new refrigerator and filled up the darn thing with apples, carrots, salad and other health food when my friend called.
- We arrive 1300 on Friday. We will start with a few drinks and then its dinner.
- I just started my new life, so no drinks and apples only, I said.
I started to move out my luggage from the guest room. I'm still impressed by the Samsonite and I'm happy I didn't buy the Scooby 2000Xl for 10€. Well, any way I heard (I knew it already and I also tried to explain it for the Greenpeacers) a reportage on the radio about the workers in China. As I use to say when they buy cheap:
- It's made by child and slave labour.
In China the children has to work for 16 hours, sometimes 24 hours for a Scooby dollar a day. If they fall asleep they deduct 2 days salary from the salary. Nice country. They use clothes pegs to stay awake, what an fåcking Scooby country.
As I said on Rainbow Warrior when they asked if I should keep my American flag on my door in port stay.
- You know, we got visitors onboard.
- I was thinking about putting the Chinese flag on the door. But I realized that the re will be children visiting us and if they see the Chinese flag they will suffer from severe trauma and they will have nightmares for the rest of their life.
They didn't understand my argument. There was even one guy from Turkey that refused to talk to me. He asked why I had the American flag on the door and after our discussion he asked me:
- Is this your first time in Greenpeace?
- You will learn a lot about the world in Greenpeace, he said without any embarrassment.
- For fåcks sake, I was a member in Greenpeace when you were wearing diapers, I thought for my self.
Well, I hope I can dodge the dinner and the drink, my new life can't take many more setbacks.
Saturday and they delivered my new TEAK bed and bed side tables at lunch time. Mr “ Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” and his wife came by to see the wonder. We went up on the seventeenth floor to see an Italian family moving to Hong Kong. They will get a small apartment in Hong Kong and she want to sell her stuff and I looked for something interesting.
- We will only have a small apartment in Hong Kong. It's only 100m³ and it will look stupid with this big furniture's.
- I will think about it until tomorrow. I will let you know.
We left and we drove to a furniture shop my friend had visited before. They had a nice cupboard when I was there, but it was closed when we arrived. The OPEN EVERY DAY sign on the door was the first thing we saw when we arrived. But it was closed when we pulled the door.
- Well, let's go for lunch!
After the lunch we went to a furniture shop just around the corner from the restaurant. My friend and his wife found a chest of drawers and I found a cupboard and 2 chests of drawers.
Now I have the furniture's and I only need some potted plants and a TV for the guest room.
- We deliver it at 6 o'clock, the lady told me.
Good, I have time to go and buy potted plants and a TV before you arrive with the furniture's. My friend and his wife left, but before leaving he asked what kind of wall paper I suggested for his condo.
I could not believe my ears. Everyone coming to my apartment says it's nice with all the colours. But Mr “ Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” have been down my neck from day one.
- This will look like sh*t! Are you crazy? You will get sick just by looking at the wall paper! This taps are not good! Blah-blah-bla.
Maybe he's a little wiser now when getting old
Well, now I have a TV in the guest room and after much searching I found one that was not made in China. I need to have a TV and a DVD player in the guest room. When I know that I will suffer from the motion sickness I can toss J a few ALI G DVDs.
- So you can entertain yourself until I'm out of bed tomorrow!
And I know that J can keep him self busy with ALI G for hours
Last time he complained:
- You where lolling around in the bed all day enjoying yourself and I had no one to play with!
Please! Believe me, I had the worst hangover ever experienced. Well, maybe not. Last Sunday when I and Uffe were out looking for furniture the hangover reached the same level. It was embarrassing, I could not say a word.
- You're quiet today! Otherwise there is nothing stopping you from blah-blah-bla non stop, he said.
- You drive like you had stolen the car. I'm getting sick, I said.
Well, anyway, I'm glad the TV and DVD are not made in China and I can't help thinking about the Turkish guy. He was convinced that he would change the world just by skipping the shave and haircut, complaining about America and drink beer. I was even told that China was a nice country:
- They don't interfere with other counties.
I don't know what to say, but I'm sure I understand after my time in Greenpeace. Do I have to tell you that I didn't renew my membership?
Well, anyway, now J can entertain himself in the guestroom and I can sleep when I have been visiting to town to the wee hours. J used to be tired towards the early evening so he is up early, especially when he have been drinking straight from the vodka bottle.
- Hmm, or maybe he is hypersensitive to the raspberry.
Well, enough with the furniture, it's Saturday and I had planned for a drink on town. But when everything was ready it was too late. They delivered TV, furniture's and the potted trees in the evening and when I came out of the shower it was too late. Well, my new life goes on well, well, except for the Mozzarella cheese. My worst nightmare has come true, I'm eating Mozzarella every day but I do my best to give up the habit.
Well, my friend took the evening flight to Sweden. He will be busy for two weeks doing big business, entertaining Korean business men coming to Sweden. I spoke with him before he left for the airport. He wondered about the new furniture's.
- They look good, I will put the picture on the web tonight so you can see them tomorrow.
- I'm never visiting your page, he said.
Well well, Mr “ Why are you wasting your life in Rome ”, during the lunch today his wife told me that he is always on the web reading about my adventures. She also broke another secret for me and I will hold it against him every time he is pissing and moaning.
Well, where were we? Oh, yes, he was on the way to the airport and he told me not to be sorry when he is gone for 2 weeks.
- What the BIP are you babbling on about? I asked.
- My wife said that you looked sad when I told you that I was off to Sweden for 2 weeks, he said.
- Are you on drugs?
- No she said that she could se in your eyes that you were sad, he insisted.
- You must be on drugs. It will be very nice to be able to sleep as long as I want. No one calls early in the morning to pester me, I said.
Nä du Uffe, nu får du ha det så roligt i Sverige och göra miljard affärer! Jag vet ju att du e på www.aladdin.st varje dag så jag får hålla dig uppdaterad med vad som händer.
Mr “ Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” had just left when I received an e-mail from a guy I had been working with on Bro Jupiter. I was sitting up all night teaching him the trick of the trade and now he is a full-fledged Chief Officer.
He will arrive on Thursday and my new life is down the drain again. I can't reme
Well, actually my new life was ruined by my life coach when he took me for lunch, a buffet at a hotel close by. Well, I was only eating spinach soup and rice so it was not so bad.
Mr “ Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” had just left when I received a e-mail from a guy I had been working
He will arrive on Thursday and my new life is down the drain again. I can't remember how many times my new life has went down the drain. Never mind, its holiday and I can as well enjoy my holiday.
But I must mortify the flesh the few days left until he arrives trying to avoid the worst agony.
My refrigerator is full of beer and I have sent my neighbours to America. Thank God for frequent flyer points.
White and purple was the colour on the kitchen uniform they handed me when I came to the cooking school. I also
They seemed to enforce the dress code strictly. The class looked very smart in their uniforms. White hat and a white jacket with purple buttons, white apron and a white cloth in the belt. The jacket had a pocket on the left arm for a spoon, always ready for a test taste.
A purple scarf's added the finishing touch. They were very particularly with this scarf's, they went on and on about the scarf's until everyone had got it right.
I was sitting watching until 3 of the teachers throwed themselves over me.
- You must wear your uniform!
The ripped my package with the uniform open and I felt like that guy in the movies with three paramedics trying to get a straitjacket on him.
I could not button up my jacket, size M, no chance. But they brought me an L and I praised my decision to get on with my new life, the whole class was watching me when they brought the new jacket and it would have been embarrassing not to be able to button up the jacket.
When the jacket was on I had them to attend to my purple scarfs and when they were ready I was looking smart as never before. Well, even though looking smart I tried to keep a low profile in the back row. All for nothing:
- Mr, Mr, come sit next to me!
A few minutes later it was time for the next one to point at an empty chair. Luckily enough I found a spot in the ceiling that I could study and I didn't have to see and hear all the Mr, Mr stuff, well, I was relieved when we finally left for the kitchen.
We cooked three meals, Glass noodle salad, Smoked cat fish salad and Spicy minced pork balls.
- Ooops, did I just say that? That didn't come out well.
Well, I was busy reading recipes and I missed that we should add just a few drops of water to the fish and breadcrumb mix before frying the mix. I was still thinking meatballs and I added way to much water and the teachers and students sprang out of their slumber.
- No no, just a few drops, the teacher said.
He added a little breadcrumbs and I was ready to fry the fish. All the students were watching the “ Swede ” cooking. It turned out well and I could see that the teacher looked a little surprised.
I remember when I took my driving licence. When I returned to the school after the test drive my teacher looked very surprised when the Inspector from the Swedish National Road Administration told him that I had passed the test.
Well, it's way better than my friend. (I haven't seen him since I hit the light post) He was a little drunk while practise driving with the teacher, he had to stop in the middle of the roundabout. He opened the door and he threw up all over the roundabout.
Well, when not busy in the cooking school and language school I'm busy scanning all my old pictures. My life coach was complaining a little about it.
- You are scanning pictures from 8 o'clock in the morning to 3 o'clock in the morning, he
- There are thousands of them, I tried to explain.
And it would not be possible to publish classic pictures like the one on you left hand side if I didn't do the scanning. Boring like he** but I have to do it. And I must admit that it's nice to do it even though it is boring, I know how much my life coach appreciates the pictures. So it is pure enjoyment, and it is also nice to see all the old pictures I forgot years ago.
Well, when the cooking class was over I jumped in to a TAXI and I disappeared to my language school with smoking and screaming tyres.
I was at the cooking school 25 minutes before 9 o'clock in the morning. Enough time to stop by at the convenient store to buy a Diet MAX and a bottle of water. Class starts at 9 o'clock, but we didn't got going until 15 - 20 minutes late. I could have been sleeping longer, especially when we finished class just before 11 o'clock. Our schedule says cooking between 9 and 12. Well, it's good to get up early.
Today we made Hot Tom-Yam- Kung Yod Maphrao(Hot and spicy soup with coconut shoots, Tom-Ka-Kai Kai Jiew Hed Fang (Spicy coconut chicken and omelette soup) and Kaeng-Som-Pha Ruam Kati Sod (Spicy sourish soup with vegetables)
Well, I was on lime juice detail again. Yesterday I was squeezing lime juice and this was good for me. So today I was taking the place next to the bowl with the limes with the squeezer in my hand. There is one girl and she is very nice, always laughing and smiling. I don't know if she thinks that I'm not able to do the lime juice or what it is. But she is very helpful.
- Here are the recipes, now you do 3 bowls with lime juice. 18 table spoons in 2 and 9 in one.
She disappears and she is back after 23 seconds with a measuring cup.
- Here is the measuring cup, she said and left.
She is back 2 minutes later start to pick up limes from the bowl.
- I will help you to estimate, she said.
I checked the menu for tomorrow and I can not see any lime juice, Hmm , maybe I can eat peanuts. Well, today it's holiday and my language school is closed so I went home continuing scanning pictures.
I had a good nights sleep after my 3 hours walk yesterday. I arrived home at 2300 and I scanned a few pictures before going to bed.
I woke up by my alarm at 0700 and I had my morning tea while scanning a
I really like this happy, cheerful and helpful girl. It's nice to talk with her and if there is no lime juice I will miss her:
- Now I'm visit you in the lime juice department.
- How's life in the lime juice department?
I arrived 20 minutes before start of class at 9 o'clock. I was sitting on the office talking with the staff waiting for class to start.
- Can I have a picture of you? One of the ladies in the staff asked.
I could not believe my ears, the staff harassing the students. I hanged
- The times turn quick when you have fun, I said and left for the class room.
I went to the class room but I was soon back in the office. No Teacher and just a few of the students. What the BIP!?
I go out of bed every morning at 7 o'clock to be in class in good time, all for nothing.
The Teacher arrived 20 past 9 and the students kept on dropping in until 10 o'clock. That's the time I left, I went back home to my scanner. I saw the teacher chopping a green pepper to very small pieces. They were just an mm or so big, this wasn't what I had expected from the day so I left.
Chopping pepper and onion and put it to a pot with boiling water is something I don't need to be thought and I have more important thing to do. In the TAXI back home I hade the feeling that this was the last day in Cooking school, but we never know what happens tomorrow.
I woke up at 0845, thoroughly rested for the first time in many days. I'm sitting up scanning pictures all night long to the early morning and I go up at 7 just to go waiting for the teachers at the cooking school. Well, it's better than my friend, he was released from hospital yesterday. He had been an inpatient for three days with infusion just because he had been drinking too much.
Well, I was a NO SHOW at the cooking school and yesterday I had asked if I could come early to my language school today. I have to pick up the Chief Officer (from Skåne) at the airport.
I had my morning tea while scanning a few picture and I was off to class, school starts at 11 o'clock, two hours earlier than normal. My friend arrives at 1340 and I expect him to come out from the custom just after 2 o'clock with snus and Falukorv.
I left my school just after 1 o'clock and I took a TAXI to the airport. 30 minutes later we came skidding in to the TAXI stand at the airport.
His flight was delayed by 5 minutes and I had time to buy some medicine. I could feel that I was getting a cold so I bought some tablets in a drug store. I needed some C vitamins as well and I went to Squeeze and asked if they had fresh squeezed orange juice.
- Why do you call it squeeze when you don't have fresh orange juice? I asked.
- We have smooties and canned orange juice, he said.
Squeeze, yeah, you know the kind of place I'm talking about. Fresh oranges and other fruits all over the place. Green leaves and stuff so you think you are in a health shop. This is the image they try to keep, but they only have canned orange juice. Well, I bought a can of orange juice hopping for the added c vitamin to kick in.
I finished the orange juice and I was walking around for some 20 minutes when I saw my friend coming though the custom. We were soon in a TAXI and 30 minutes later we were sitting in my living room with a cold beer.
A Chef that I had been working with was in town with his wife and we meet them at a restaurant three minutes walk from my apartment. I had been with the Chief Officer at another restaurant down the road eating dinner and we were at this restaurant for dessert.
I was really full, I ordered meatballs at the other place and I was chocked when the brought me ONE meatball the size of a meatloaf. Not what I had expected, I had expected 6 or 7 small Swedish styled meatballs to chew on while drinking the beer.
I felt like a meatloaf when I rolled out from the restaurant and we walked up the street to this waffle place where we had a waffle and tea. Our Chef and his wife came by and we went to my apartment for beer and Jägermeister.
I already knew that I would be a NO SHOW at cooking class today. I know you have been waiting for a picture of my cooking uniform and I can hear you fetch a deep sigh of disappointment. But don't despair, there will be a picture of my cooking uniform, just hang on.
When I told my Teachers at the language school that I was attending a cooking course they wanted to come to my place to cook. And, well, by accident I happened to mention that I would make Swedish meatballs for them.
So we had to go buy food on the Friday afternoon, the Teachers were coming around 1800. But before buying
OK, I planned to do the whole thing in one pop. So after the tailor we asked them to take us to the reclining Buddha instead of driving us home.
We arrived after 10 minutes something and we passed a few temples and some other stuff.
- HEY! There is something, I said while passing with the van.
When we arrived to de reclining Buddha we had passed a few interesting houses and some other stuff. I waited outside when I sent him in to see the reclining Buddha and he was back out after 4 minutes.
- Are we leaving? He asked.
He had been 1 or 2 minutes quicker than expected and I asked if he wanted to se the rest of the temple.
- I don't know, is it interesting? He asked.
-Take the opportunity to see the darn thing while in town then you have
He was back in a few minutes and we halted a TAXI and we returned to my apartment. We should meet the Chef and his wife at the supermarket at 3 o'clock to buy the food. Our Chef that I had been worked with in Tärntank was in town. When I told him that I was going to make Skånska meatballs for my teachers he turned bananas.
- I will do the meatballs for you! He said.
Well, after the tailor we returned to my apartment. Our Chief Officer collected his thoughts after all the excitement at the temple and the Buddha. We went to a restaurant before going to meet our Chef and his wife at the supermarket.
We had a long shopping list and we needed to prepare the meatballs before the Teachers arrived. I knew that there would be no space to make meatballs when the Teachers started to do the cooking.
I gave my shopping list to a girl at the supermarket and she filled a shopping cart for us. There was only one item that they didn't had, but we will manage without it.
When we were ready we took 2 Taxis to my apartment and we started to prepare the meatballs. We wanted to be ready when my teachers arrived so they could make their food with us out of the way. Well, I will stick around entertaining the Teachers.
We were ready with the meatballs and the kitchen was clean when they arrived. They had not been for very long before they were busy cooking and I was busy serving drinks and playing music.
Our Swedish Chef and his wife were busy entertaining the guests and the Chief Officer was busy test tasting the Thai food and drinking beer.
While they cooked in the kitchen the tailor arrived with Chief Officer's new suit. He tried it on and he was satisfied with the look. He had ordered a three piece suit so he will look good when he is going to a wedding or something. I asked why he needed a suit.
- You will never use it, I said.
The food was soon ready and we took place at the table. I was seated close to the entertainment centre, well, I can as well say that I was in charge of the music just to make sure we didn't have to listening to some crap.
The food was excellent and they made it less spicy so we could eat it. I don't like it when it's just burning. Well, we drank plenty beers as well and the spirit was high.
I had put a bottle of Skåne in my freezer and when I started to serve snaps our Chef could not sit down. he tried to deliver a speech but I managed to make him sit down before it got embarrassing.
The Thai food was delicious and the Teachers liked the Swedish meatballs.
It was a good evening, except for a few crushed glasses, but this is something I had counted with. I party without you needing to bring the vacuum cleaner at least once and a crushed glass is no good party.
Well, after a few beers and vodka you're ready for disco. After the dinner we had a few drinks and coffee. I promised to put a picture of my uniform from the cooking school here and I must do this before finish.
OK, now you seen the darn thing and we are ready to leave. We finished the coffee and a few vodka red bull and I managed to clean the dishes, I had plenty help from the teachers. But I like to do it my self, you don't want your guests to clean the plates and stuff. I prefer to do it my self and it's nice to wake up the day after to a clean apartment.
I think we agreed on to see if we wanted to go to the beach tomorrow. Our Swedish Chef and his wife is leaving for the beach tomorrow and the Chief Officer want to go scuba diving and to drive a water jet or what ever they call it.
Well, we have to see how we feel tomorrow. One and a half hour in a TAXI with a hangover force 9,8 is nothing I'm looking forward to. But it would be nice to go for a few days on the beach. The Chief Officer had a list on what to do.
• Make a suit Done
• See a temple Done
• Scuba diving
• Drive a water jet (or what ever they call it)
• Thai boxing
we can do the last two items on his list in one pop, and the best thing, he can do this while I'm in bed or in the swimming pool. But let's see tomorrow how we feel and we will make the decision.
Nausea, pain, agony, thirst and I feeling that I was about to die was what I woke up to. I felt like I was going to throw up and I went to the bathroom, stand-by.
I was thinking about the beach and the TAXI ride down there.
- My God, please help me
Chief Officer was in my bed room every 15 minutes asking when we should leave. I suggested in an hour or so and he told me that he would spend the time in the swimming pool.
I got out of bed so we could leave at 3 o'clock, ETA 1630 to the beach. OK, we had to return one time because I forgot my valet.
When I picked up the Chief Officer at the airport I had to wait for a while before he arrived. My friend called and asked if I wanted to come for his birthday dinner.
- We will start the day before with a traditional Lucevaka, he said.
- OK, I will see what happens, I said.
In the TAXI I discussed the plan with the Chief Officer.
- If we go back on Monday we can relax at Marriott in the evening and take a flight to the birthday dinner and party on Tuesday, I said.
- Sounds good, he said.
I called my travel agency and they booked two tickets for me on Tuesday afternoon. I told them that I would come in to pay the ticket on Monday when we came back from the beach. I called my friend and I told him that we book a ticket on Tuesday afternoon.
- Tuesday??!! Then you will miss the Lucevaka. Are you just coming for dinner?
I don't know about Lucevaka and stuff, this is something we did when we were 14 years old. And I could remember that he was born the 13th of December and that is on the Wednesday and Lucevaka use to be the day before the 13th of December.
We were a little confused in the TAXI, but never mind. We will be there for the dinner.
It was almost 6 o'clock when we arrived to the beach. A 90 minutes ride turned out to take almost 3 hours. We stopped for Bacardi Breezers but we could not find any. So when we had checked in at the hotel we went for dinner at the hotel restaurant first thing. My friend arrived to join us at the restaurant. When we were ready my friend took the Chief Officer to a dive shop so he could book a tour for tomorrow. I was sitting in a bar drinking Breezers waiting.
When the Chief Officer came back we moved on and we passed a place with Thai boxing and we stopped for a drink.
• Thai boxing Done
He was going to dive at 10 o'clock tomorrow and he was soon going home. Well, I don't care very much for Thai boxing so I left for a place with music.
I felt like I deserved when I woke up. I stayed in bed and I had agreed with the Chief Officer to meet him here at 6 o'clock when he was ready with the scuba diving. 11 o'clock and I was in bed drinking water when my friend called.
- What are you doing?
- I'm in bed, I answered.
- What about some swimming?
- Sounds great, come down to my hotel at 2 o'clock and we go to the pool, I said.
My friend arrived at 2 o'clock and we went down to the swimming pool on 3rd floor. We spent an hour or so in the pool and we went for lunch. We decided to go watch a movie later on that night and he went home. I returned to my room waiting for the Chief Officer to return.
When he returned he told me that he had been driving the water jet (or what ever they call it) as well.
• Scuba diving Done
• Drive a water jet (or what ever they call it) Done
We went to see my friend and his girl friend at 6 thirty to see a movie. Our Swedish Chef and his wife came as well, but they didn't want to see a movie.
We had to wait almost two hours for the movie we wanted to see so we had time to eat a pizza and after the movie I went back to the hotel for a sleep. Long TAXI ride back to FUNKY TOWN tomorrow. I bought a book at the cinema so I had a little something to read back at the room.
We woke up at 9 o'clock and we had our breakfast together with my friend. We checked out from the hotel and we ordered a TAXI for 1245. We were sitting in the lobby talking to my friend while waiting for the TAXI. We were lucky with the ride back and we arrived back to my apartment less than 2 hours after we departed from the hotel.
We had an appointment with the Swedish chef and his wife at Marriott at 8 o'clock and we had time to go pay our air tickets. we decided to book hotel and make a reservation back to FUNKY TOWN on Thursday afternoon.
All our first choices of hotel were full and we very pretty low on the list before they found a hotel with vacancies, the hotel over Kangaroo Guesthouse on the list. We got 2 tickets back on Thursday afternoon and we paid the whole thing before we left for a restaurant.
After our dinner we went to buy more potted trees for my apartment and when we were back home our Chief Officer was busy packing his bag before we left for Marriott.
There is nothing stopping him
I never thought he should reach the desserts
12th of December 2006 and we woke up early, 9 thirty, and we started to make our breakfast. Tea and omelette and a vitamin tablet. Our flight leaves at 1330 so we pretty much left after the
I was lucky that we only went to Marriott last evening drinking water and tea. Well, seriously, after Marriott there is only one way to roll, and that is to your bed.
Well, anyway, it would not have been nice catching an early flight with a hangover force 9,8 pounding. Now we were strengthen by both the nutritious meal (Maybe not the chocolate) at Marriott yesterday and our breakfast.
We were full of vigour and we had time for a quick shower and the Chief Officer did a few minutes of running around my apartment taking pictures before leaving for the airport.
The Chief Officer decided to bring his luggage with him. He is flying back on Thursday night and we will return at 1625 if we manage to keep the schedule. If we are delayed it will be to a hair to catch his other flight. Well, anyway, on the way to the airport he told me that he had forgot his ticket back to Copenhagen. Well, I hope we will make it back in time and I think he will have time for a shower as well.
Busy with his camera, forgetting all about his ticket
Not any traffic jams on the way to the airport and we expected to arrive in good time. There was a queue reminding us about queues to the bakeries in old Soviet Union and only one desk. There were three other desks for less popular destinations and the staff was picking their noses while the girl in the only desk for our destination had a work load making her collapse.
Waiting, waiting, moving slowly 2 meters forward. Waiting, waiting, moving slowly 2 meters forward. Waiting, waiting, moving slowly 2 meters forward. Yet again I could praise our decision to stay home after Marriott yesterday, but the boredom almost drove us up the walls. Finally it was our turn to check in. We had arrived to the airport in good time and we checked-in in good time. We had time to visit the restaurant before boarding out jet to the paradise and the birthday party.
We enjoyed our beers in the restaurant talking about the good old times, or good times to come. We felt good and the only black cloud on an otherwise blue sky was that we were going to a 40th birthday. There should at least be one alarm bell warning you that you are getting old when you're friends start celebrating their 40th birthday. Even if it's a very old friend, by that I mean and very old old friend. But for sure I didn't think it was possible to be so old as 40, I mean, 40 is older than old.
Well, I don't want to tell you what I told a Captain telling me that he was going home to celebrate his wife's 50th birthday. I still have the trouble I went through on Rainbow Warrior when I told our Australian Deckhand that girls over 30 was over the hill fresh in mind.
Well well, never mind, we were on the way and it was a one hour twenty minutes flight and we arrived a few minutes late. I had called my friend before leaving and they had rented a car to come pick us up. I told him to bring cold beer when I called him and I got it confirmed that he would bring cold Heineken. ETA 1450 and we expected to be in the car with a beer a few minutes after 3 o'clock.
I could not find them at the exit but I saw a convenient store on the way out and I returned in to pick up two Bacardi Breezers. Just a little something to have while waiting.
The first Breezers lasted us a few minutes and I was soon off to buy two more Breezers. Waiting seems to be the thing for the day, but now we were feed up and we finished our Breezers and we walked over to a sign saying “Airport Limo Service”.
We asked him to take us to Royal Palm Resort at Patong Beach and we gave him the money and we took off with a roaring engine.
- Stop so we can buy some Bacardi Breezers, I told the driver.
We passed a 7/11 after 5 minutes and we had 4 cold Breezers when we left for Patong Beach. At least to say we were in an up beat mood when we left the 7/11 with the music blasting from the entertainment center. We had been on the way for a few minutes when my friend called:
- Where are you?
- We are in the TAXI on the way to Patong Beach, where are you? I asked.
- We are at the airport waiting, he said.
I told the driver to make a u turn and to return to the airport.
When we arrived to the airport we meet our friends outside the exit, this is where we had expected to meet them when we arrived. I asked where they had been when we arrived.
- We were sitting in the bar.
- Wise move, I said.
They had been waiting and the flight had been a little delayed so they went to the bar for a beer. Well, anyway, we were soon in the rented car and we made a stop at the same 7/11 for more Breezers. My friend brought cold Heineken, but when you have started with Breezers you can't swap to beer.
I don't remember how long time it took us to reach the hotel, but we made several pit stops for Breezers and we were if possible in a much better mood when we reached the hotel then when we were waiting at the airport.
- We meet 1730 at the “Sun Down” on the beach, my friend said.
- Good, we have time to shower, I said.
As mentioned before it is high season and all hotels were full. But this hotel was no nice experience, maybe we would have been better off at the kangaroo Guesthouse. No elevator, I told the Chief Officer that it was no problem now but imagine coming home 5 o'clock in the morning and no elevator.
We took a shower and we soon found a TAXI.
- Take us to Sun Down!
There should have been an alarm bell already at the hotel when we asked for Sun Down. They had never heard of the place before, but we didn't let that let us down. But after asking 5 taxi drivers our good mood turned to sour.
- What the BIPPING BIP is this? Who the BIP is arranging a meeting at an unknown place?
- Let's call, the Chief Officer suggested.
- I didn't bring my phone. You should not have to carry around your IT center just to find the place. If I arrange a meeting with people new to town I make sure to do it on a place known to all the taxi drivers in town.
The Chief Officer suggested that we should return to the hotel and call him with my phone. I suggested that we should forget the whole thing and go find music and some drinks. But the Chief Officer returned to my room to make the call while I was waiting on the street.
He came back after a few minutes with a name on the road. We jumped in to the taxi and off we went. We found them quite far of the street down on the beach. There was nothing called the Sun Down, not even anything reminding of the name.
I had a Breezer in front of me with in seconds and it was all laughs again, at least for 2 minutes. My friend's wife arrived steaming of anger.
Talking about a real party crasher. You could hear her long before she arrived and we knew this was going to be bad.
I didn't understand what all the yelling was all about, but it was something about keys to a motorcycle. They took of for the beach and I followed with my camera. Well, it didn't make her any happier.
Finally she got the keys and she left steaming of anger and we soon had a new round of drinks in front of us. Well, who wants to sit on the beach with out music? I suggested that we should try to find some good music and we left.
We walked for a few minutes and we ended up on a place called “Sailors Yarn” or something similar.
Yeah, we know the concept, dark, poor music and some girls asking for a drink while telling you how good you look. We were not drunk enough to believe the “ Hello handsome ” crap and the music left more than a little to wish for so we left for another place with better music. We managed to find a place up the road and I continued the evening's Bacardi Breezer theme.
13th of December 2006 and it was agony, pain, thirst and nausea when I woke up in my room.
- Puh hvor er jeg træt!
Luckily enough I had a bottle of water next to my bed and I emptied the bottle in ,3 seconds. It was a disappointment, I didn't felt any better. My mouth was dry and felt like a sand box. It took me several minutes to muster enough energy to crawl over to the refrigerator for a new bottle.
It didn't help and I was on the verge to throw up in my bed. NEVER AGAIN! I stayed for a few hours in my bed before moving. The Chief Officer was out sailing and I was lying in my room. THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I left my room after ordering room service.
I walked around the town and buy now the hangover was pushing a full force 10. I was in a very bad state and when I was trashing a TAXI just by walking right in to it I didn't had the mental strength to stay and investigate how it went. I continued to wandering the streets looking for a place with milkshake.
I bought a bottle of water and a Strawberry shake before dashing of to my hotel room. Life is not fair, Chief Officer is sailing and enjoying while I'm about to die on a stinky hotel room. I needed to be fit for fight for the birthday dinner at 8 o'clock tonight.
I was in my bed starring at the ceiling when the birthday boy called. I asked what he did and he said that he was going home.
- Good, I can go with you to see your house, I said.
I thought the dinner would be in his house but he had rented a restaurant and I wanted to see his house before going home. It was 3 o'clock in the afternoon and I managed to drag me out of the bed. I walked to the restaurant were he sat drinking beer. I ordered a bottle of water and fresh orange juice. I don't want to run in to another mishaps and accidents today so I stick to the water and juice, VITAMINS!
But as it turned out, no matter how much vitamins I poured down my throat we were bound to run in to setbacks during the afternoon.
When I arrived to the r hotel restaurant I ran in to the Norwegian Service Engineer that was in town to celebrate our friend as well. Well, people coming from all over the world, yeah, I guess this is how it gets when you're closer to 60 than 20. Well, it will be exciting to see if I ever get that old.
well, where were we? Oh, I was running in to the Norwegian guy and he should pick up his car so we could leave for my friends house. We had a nice drive to the hose some 30 minutes away. We laughed all the way and we parked in front of the hose. All doors and windows open.
The plan was as I heard later on that we should eat cake in his house. Two other friends were on the way with a fresh cake. We opened the gate to the garden and I could see my friend's wife take a run from the kitchen. She was at the doors and I just heard.
- You are not allowed inside!
BANG, BANG, BANG and the house were sealed and the setback was a fact. We had to call the friends on the way with the cake to cancel the trip.
- It's not worth going through the trouble coming here! We are not allowed inside.
We left the neighbourhood with screaming and smoking tyres. 10 minutes later we were at the shopping center. We should meet the guys with the cake, but first it was milkshake time.
We walked around pretty much doing noting for a while before returning to Patong Beach. I and the Norwegian made an appointment to see each other quarter to 8 so we would be at the restaurant at 8 for the birthday dinner. It was a good plan, I had no idea where the restaurant was and the Norwegian guy knew the place.
I returned to my hotel after an Italian dinner. I knocked on Chief Officers door and he was back from the sailing and we decided to meet at 1945 so we could walk to the meeting with the Norwegian guy. I was soon back in bed and after an hour I took a shower and we left the hotel.
We were in time for the dinner, hmm, we were the only ones in time together with a guy from Canada. The rest of the people arrived around 9 o'clock and we could start to eat.
The birthday boy was seated at one end of the table and his wife went to the other end of the table. She pointed at us and said she didn't want to sit with us.
- They are all crazy, she sad.
Good way to start the dinner, especially when you're only drinking water and Diet MAX. After a few beers you would not have give a damn.
There were children, and they were playing around at the table. Their daddy told them to stop play.
- It's no fun to sit nicely at the table. It's more fun to play around so continue play, I said.
After saying that the kids refused to leave me alone. Taking millions of pictures.
- I hope you run out of battery soon I said.
I don't know who gave them sugar, but there was nothing stopping them from playing and I was soon exhausted. Where ever I went the followed like follow me.
We left the restaurant for a pub on town when the children had left. I was still drinking water and Diet MAX and when we left for a disco at 2 o'clock in the morning I left for my hotel room. There is a day tomorrow as well and the day involves a flight and I can imagine sitting on this flight with a hangover. Not very nice.
14th of December 2006 and it was time to go home. I woke up 9 o'clock and I was happy that I only drank Diet MAX and water yesterday.
I went across the hall to wake up the Chief Officer, he stayed with my friend at the disco yesterday when I went home to read my book. I bought the book when we were on the beach during the weekend and I just have a few more pages to read and it is finished.
After waking up the Chief Officer I went for a breakfast before returning to my room and my book. I had ordered a TAXI for 1 o'clock and our flight was at 1520.
Our Chief Officer gave me a second knock on the door 5 minutes before 12 and I told him that I would be in the lobby in 10 minutes. I just had a few pages to finish in my book and I could leave.
I had just packed my book and closet my weekend bag when they called from the reception.
- Are you checking out today?
We went to an Italian restaurant for lunch while waiting for the TAXI. The TAXI was in time, surprise, and we roared off towards the airport. Our Chief Officer brought everything with him so he could go straight to his flight back home tonight. But he forgot his ticket in my apartment, so he had been carried around his bag all for nothing. We were hopping for the flight to be on time so he would manage to catch his flight tonight.
- But honestly, I don't think he would mind spending another week in paradise.
After checking in we went to Burger King for a milkshake and it was only Swedish people there, it was like little Sweden and I was hopping this would count as a VISA run. I have to leave to country on Sunday to make a new VISA, but I always have overstay and I have to pay the fee at the Immigration.
There were way too much Swedish people, all of them with the same tattoos and copy t-shirts. It was nice to come out and at the domestic terminal we
I didn't look forward to the flight, but it will be real nice to get back home and get my life back in order. The Chief Officer has been her for a week, and at least to say it has not been a week of healthy lifestyle. I don't think I have eating one single fruit since he arrived.
He is leaving tonight and first thing tomorrow I'm off to the supermarket to pick up apples and carrots. My long night walks listening to music will soon be top priority again.
The flight back to FUNKY TOWN is not going to the history as the most exciting, but I was happy that I didn't drink any beers yesterday. Well, I will say over and out, maybe we meet in the jogging track one of those late nights.
When I came home I checked my e-mail. There was an e-mail from the girl working on the hotel in Subic Bay, remember, the ones I brought to Pier One. She had sent a few e-mails earlier but I had no clue who sent them. So I sent an e-mail asking who are you and what's your name. Now she replied with name and asking if I forgot that I brought her to Pier One.
Still no e-mail from the Turkish volunteer on Rainbow Warrior, surprised?
Well, as I wrote to the Chief Officer when he left, it was nice to be alone again, but it was a little boring to eat breakfast alone. Our Norwegian friend called me a little later on.
- I will arrive tomorrow at 1530.
- OK, I will pick you up at the airport, I said.
- Hmm, I can sense that my new healthy life is going down the drain again. What will my neighbours say?
I meet the girl using to live next door a few days ago. I asked if they moved because of the music.
- Me and my brother thought it was cool, but mom and dad was a little annoyed, she said.
So it will be a Norwegian weekend, hmm, it can be fun.
I was at the airport at 3 o'clock, the flight was scheduled to arrive at 1520. The plane was early by 15 minutes, but there must have been something wrong with the luggage handling. My friend had to wait 30 minutes for his luggage.
Wise from my previous experience from Squeeze when I picked up the Chief Officer I didn't asked for fresh orange juice. I went to a convenient store and I bought a DIET drink. I was sipping the can while waiting for our Norwegian friend.
Well, anyway, I will do a serious attempt to give up the DIET drinks as well. It can not be very good to drink 6 cans a day.
Well, finally he came out (my DIET drink was long gone) and we could leave in a TAXI and we stepped in to my apartment some 40 minutes later.
Our Norwegian friend had been in my apartment for 85 seconds when he started to take pictures. It's nice, every
Well, when he finished with his camera we took a quick drink before going to the first club just down the street.
A big vodka Red bull always makes us a wee bit more handsome, no disadvantage when clubbing. It was early and we were almost alone, I don't mind. The music is always good at the place. And there is also one other thing, everyone I bring to the place, called GLOW, falls in love with the bartender.
A few weeks ago I had a half Swedish/ American guy there. He stared so it was a little bit embarrassing, well it was more than a little embarrassing so I left for another disco around the corner. Well, it's nice, I don't have more than 2 minutes walk to the night life.
I don't remember how long we spent at GLOW, but we made it to another area of the town with a little help from a TAXI and when we knew that area we proceeded to Royal City Avenue. Millions of discos and people and don't you think I ran in to the Hip Hopper again. You remember they guy I ran in to at the shopping mall. It was all dark and loud music, but I could hear him shouting.
- YOO!!! Aladdin!
I didn't recognized him, he was dressed in his Hip Hop outfit and he was beyond recognition.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this? I asked while pointing at all the chains and stuff he was wearing.
Waking up was no joke, well, now it's time to shape up. After lolling around for a few hours it was time to get out of bed. Our Norwegian friend was up and about.
- Are you hungry? He asked.
We took a TAXI to Marriott and the Sunday brunch. Delicious as always and we enjoyed the meal in nice settings.
- Is here anything to see in town? My friend asked.
- A few temple and stuff, I answered hopping that he would lose the interest. I was for sure in no tour mood. We went to a shopping center and we spent 5 minutes there before returning home. Well, I was about to die and I wanted to go home.
- Let's go for a swim, I suggested.
- Do you have a pool? He asked.
We were sitting in a TAXI in a jiff and we were soon in the swimming pool. Nice, when you have a hangover there is nothing like a swimming pool.
We spent an hour at the swimming pool and we grew tired of it and left.
- I would not mind a milkshake, I said.
- Let's go to find a milkshake, he said.
After a shower we were back in a Christmas decorated city. There are blue, pink, golden, yeah, the Christmas trees comes in all colours you can imagine. There are millions of Santa Clauses and reindeers.
We didn't found any milkshakes and we were soon sitting in a beer garden drinking soda water. I poured down soda water like there was no tomorrow. This is what I should have been drinking yesterday and it would have been a totally different day today. Too late for regrets and I'm looking forward to a day and night with a stomping hangover.
Well, we left the Beer garden and a crate of empty soda water bottles behind and we walked to the Supermarket to buy some stuff before going to a restaurant for dinner. By now we were really feed up with all the Christmas decorations.
Time turns quick and it was soon time for our Norwegian friend to go to the airport. We walked back home and we had just stepped inside when my “ Life Coach ” called.
He was sitting on Stockholm International on the way back and he told me that he had appreciated all the updates so he had been able to follow what was going on in FUNKY TOWN while he was away. Get a life!
Well, I'm on overstay since yesterday so I need to attend the VISA problems. They didn't have the bus service yesterday so I was in school again. I had not been there for quite a while and I had to look for my school bag when it was time to leave.
Well, the bus is leaving at 0930 and I expect to be back early evening or late afternoon. I arrived to our rendez-vous at 0915 with smoking tyres. I jumped out of the taxi hopping to have time for a quick breakfast at the coffee shop.
I ordered tea and after 10 minutes I thought that I would miss my tea, soon time to leave. I asked for my tea and I ordered a sandwich, they charged me for the sandwich and they charged me one more time for the tea when I asked for my tea.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it right there! How many times are you going to charge me for my tea?
I got my sandwich and a glass with something undrinkable. It was tea Indian style, but it tasted like sh**. I finished my sandwich and left the tea behind.
Just in the nick of time, when I came out it was time to leave.
I entered the bus and we left FUNKY TOWN behind. I felt a sleep not long after the departure. I was sleeping for a few minutes and I woke up again and it continued like that, sleeping, half wake and slumber for two hours until we made a gas stop.
When we left FUNKY TOWN they gave us a menu so we could get the lunch of our choice and when we stopped they came from a little restaurant with our lunch. I had ordered fried rice and when we left the stop I got my box with my lunch. I enjoyed my lunch while passing a dry and barren landscape.
I bought a tube of Pringles at the gas stop and I was not feeling like a million when I had finished the tube, I will never buy potato chips again. They left a nasty taste in my mouth, not to mention the agony for eating them.
We arrived to the border at Ban Laem around 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I realized that I had forgot to get money before leaving FUNKY TOWN when the tour guide said that those with overstay had to go to the overstay counter. We were three with overstay.
When you are leaving at the airport the first day of overstay is for free, but when leaving overland the charge you 500 woody dollars per day, starting day one.
- Is there an ATM around here? I asked.
One thing is four sure, as Masken use to say:
- You're not feeling like a king with no cash in the pocket.
So true, but I got money from one of our two female guides and I could pay my fee. By now all the Immigration Officers were standing around me asking about everything.
- Oh, your earrings!
- Oh, your wrist watch (Gammla klock tricket J)
- What are you do for living?
- Are you married?
They all pointed at the tour guide telling me that she was not married and by then she ran away.
We crossed the bridge to Cambodia and we were waiting for the VISA procedure to Cambodia, 20 minutes. when I have done my previous VISA runs we have left FUNKY TOWN 6 or 7 in the morning and then we are eating out lunch at the casino at the border.
Gambling is illegal in Thailand and all the Thais going to the border to gamble. Huge casinos, but the buffet they use to serve is terrible. It's not possible to eat anything, well, maybe some toast. So I liked this tour, leaving 0930 and a tasty and nice lunch on the bus. Waiting 20 minutes at the border and right back to FUNKY TOWN.
It was very nice to leave Cambodia and the dusty border town behind. Well, town might be a little too much. It was a dust path passing through a few ramshackle hovels.
When we reached the Thai border it was time to stamp our passports and I asked them to put my entry stamp on page 9. I don't like them to go crazy with their rubber stamps all over the passport. You have to renew your passport every second year.
The Immigration Officer wanted to put the stamp on an empty page. I told him that I wanted it on page 9 again.
- OK, khun mai mi mia, he said and stamped page 9.
Now this page is full and he told me that there were no space for the overstay stamp. I said never mind and I thanked him and left. Nice to leave the border behind.
We were back in FUNKY TOWN at 1830 and I went with the girl to the ATM so she could get her money back. I had just handed her the money when my guide through the life called. I invited him and his wife for dinner and I went to buy some food.
It was one stop with the sky train and I was at the supermarket buying the stuff required for Korvstroganoff. Now it was 7 o'clock and they would arrive at 1930 so I jumped in to a taxi and I was home 3 minutes later.
They arrived 10 minutes before 8 and the food had been ready for a couple of minutes. My “ Life Coach ” went straight for my guest room.
- What the hell is this??!! It looks like sh**!
Surprised? I'm not.
- The wall paper is terrible, he continued. There was nothing stopping him and he went on and on. But it's always nice to meet his wife, you get the other side of the story.
- He bought the same colour on his wall paper as you have.
- In our condo we have used many of your ideas.
She also told me that he had liked living here when they decorated their condo. I was surprised, according to him this was the worst area in FUNKY TOWN. From being the worst area in FUNKY TOWN to the best area in 2 seconds was just a little more than I could believe. When he was living in Scooby Ville he always told me that this was the place to be seen and heard.
- All the movie stars and pop stars live in my building, he used to say.
So, well, Christmas is here again. This year turned quick and Christmas always strikes me with surprise. Fåck! It's Christmas eve in 2 days and you might think that I should have been well prepared with all the Christmas decorations and all the Christmas songs that have been driving me up the walls the last three weeks.
Well, my guide through my life is taking his wife for a 10 days vacation in China.
- I will buy something nice for you in China, he said before leaving.
- If you buy something for me in China I will never talk to you again, I said.
I was thinking about the 12 year old girls working at least 16 hours a day with the cloths pegs to stay awake. There is a lady walking around with a giant screwdriver hitting the girls on the shoulder every now and then to make sure they don't fall asleep.
- Well, now you might wonder why they are using the cloths pegs for if they fall asleep anyway.
Sometimes they are so tired the fall a sleep with open eyes. well, in happy land we were playing cowboys and Indians when we were 12, but of course Cowboys and Indians don't make the stock-exchange rate rise and that's the most important thing today.
Stocks?! Mutual founds?! I gave the gift a second thought and I called back to my friend.
- Buy as much cheap shit you can carry!
- Please make sure the lady with the screw driver have the biggest screw driver and ask her to hit the girls on the shoulders more frequent, maybe every 5 minutes. Also ask them to crank up the production speed a few notches. Maybe 24 hours a day, 7 days a week will be good for the stock market
The value of the stocks will sky rocket and I'm thinking about early retirement. Hmm, I wish they can torment the life out of these children so they always keeps the performance at the top notch and the productivity will strike the stock market with amazement so I can sell my mutual founds with a good profit. I will soon retire, and HEY! What do I care about these children? It's not my children, I'm a good guy, I spent 3 months on Rainbow Warrior having a good time so don't blame me for anything bad happening on this globe.
Well, I will spend the Christmas at the beach, my friend has booked us for Christmas dinner and I was at the travel
They expect heavy Christmas traffic to the beach so I will leave at 1300 and I hope I will check in to my hotel at 1500. But I will not be surprised if it will take until 1700.
Never mind, it will be nice to get away a few days. Just walking along the beach living a healthy life and no one will recognize me when I'm back in FUNKY TOWN.
Well, anyway, I will take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Christmas with many many expensive and nice Christmas gifts.
22nd of December 2006 and Jesus! Did I have to eat carrots and apples for breakfast? Well, we remembered my trip to the Supermarket with the Norwegian guy a few days ago. I bought apples and carrots like there was no tomorrow. My plan was to kick start my new life.
Well, I don't want to say that I have been kickin any arses with my healthy lifestyle and the apples and carrot are still in my refrigerator. But now I'm feed up with throwing away my apples and carrots every second day so I had to eat it all for breakfast, I will be away for at least 5 days and I don't want to find old carrots in the refrigerator when I'm back home. Maybe this is a good sign for the rest of my new life? I hope so.
At 1230 the driver called and he asked where I lived. I asked him to be here in 1 hour, I needed the extra 30 minutes to get ready. Well, I woke up at 1130 and I got stuck scanning a few pictures while eating my carrots.
I was in the shower when the driver called at 1 o'clock. He was on the parking lot and I told him that I would be down in 10 minutes.
When I came down there was a van to pick me up and the driver looked puzzled when I was alone, he had expected a full van.
Well, for the comfort I will take a taxi next time. A van is not known as the most comfortable thing to ride.
He took my bag, believe it or not, but I brought my school books so I hope there will be time for a little arse kickin with my books. This will be one of those salubrious vacations. No beers and plenty reading and exercising, I feel good already!
Well, we didn't manage to dodge the traffic, I asked my driver where he was going when he made a u-turn at soi 20.
- I'm going to the highway!
- Well ,I think this way is the wrong way, I said.
- This is the only way I knew, he said.
He still have one more chance to get it right I thought and I told him to turn left when we reached Rama 4 . Lo and behold, he wanted to turn right and we were stuck for an hour before reaching the highway.
I told him that I should have been on the beach by now if he had followed my suggestion. He looked a little gloomy and grey behind the wheel.
Well, we didn't reach the beach in any record breaking time, but we arrived after 2 hours ++ and I could check in on my hotel. I went to fill up my valet with fresh cash out of the ATM. I don't know what happened, but I passed a bar and the
HEY! This was not the plan. I downed the beer quick and returned to my hotel where my friend and his wife were waiting. We had a rendezvous at the hotel across the street were I use to stay. But they were waiting at my new hotel and they came screaming after me when I was on my way to the other hotel.
I don't know what happened, but 47 seconds after we meet I had forgotten all about my schoolbooks and we were sitting with a beer in front of us.
23rd of December 2006 and waking up was a painful experience. The thirst was killing me and I decided to stick to
The day started out as no joke, but bad was becoming worse. My friend was coming to my hotel for a swim at 3 o'clock. So I went down to the pool waiting for him and I threw my self in to the water. I was aiming for the bar at the end of the pool, but I was almost soiling my self.
ICE WATER! What the BIPPING BIP! Now I understood why I was alone in the pool. I was sitting alone in the bar drinking water waiting for my friend.
He called me 30 seconds before I left for the pool. He was outside the hotel and now 30 minutes later he had still not arrived. What the ....
I went down the reception to see where he was, no sign of him. What is he up to? Well, stay tuned for the exciting sequel, I'm out of here!
Well, maybe he went to my old hotel across the street and I walked over to see if I could find him. I reached the street when I saw him drinking beer in a bar.
- Where the BIP have you been?
- I was at the hotel and they said you were out.
We returned to the hotel and the swimming pool. My friend jumped in to the pool and he was screaming and he jumped back up again.
- What the BIP is this??!!
- It's terrible, I said.
- Let's go sit in the bar, he said.
- I'm not going in there again! I said.
He walked out to the bar on the pool side and he sat down at the bar and he said:
- Ah come on, don't be a cry-baby!
I went to the other side of the pool and I entered the pool via the steps, slowly slowly. Then I walked to the bar and I sat down on a stool ordering a DIET DRINK. I swear, the water in the pool was colder than the drink. we sat there freezing when I heard a scream. Another dare devil had jumped in to the pool, not
Unnecessary to say we didn't spent much time in the pool before leaving.
Well, Saturday night and you're of to see a movie. Well, if that is not a sign of you getting old I don't know what it is.
While waiting for the movie I was looking at a stall selling school books and I got a new book for reading and writing. My old one is used to beyond recognition. I was joking a little with the lady selling the book and I asked.
- Do you have any books for study kissing?
- Yes, just a moment.
I was a little puzzled, but when she had been looking around for 10 minutes, taking out crates with books I started to think that she had misunderstood me. Is there something like a schoolbook for kissing, I have never heard of it, and I could never imagine that there would be such a thing.
- OK, here it is, she said handing me the book 80 things about kissing
Well, after the movie I went to the hotel for a good night sleep.
24th of December 2006 and I slept until 1030, I missed the breakfast, big surprise. How many hotel breakfasts have I been up in time for? Not many, I have missed most of them.
When I checked in the stamped breakfast vouchers for me. The girl in the reception kept on stamping and stamping. I thought there had been something wrong with my hotel reservation and I said:
- HEY! I will only stay for 5 days. Why are you stamping breakfast vouchers like there are no tomorrow?
- Maybe you find a girl friend, she said.
- No, I will not find a girlfriend, I said when she handed me the book of breakfast vouchers. Now I have breakfast vouchers to last me a life time.
Well, when I went for the shower there was an envelope under my door, it was a not asking me to come down and get the tickets for the Christmas banquet. I threw it in the waste paper basket. During the afternoon they called from the reception.
- Please come down to pick up your ticket for the Christmas banquet.
- I don't want to go to the Christmas banquet, I said.
The was on my door all afternoon with tickets and stuff and when it knocked on my door at 1430 I roared when spring up from my chair in front of the computer. I don't want to write down what I thought of Christmas, tickets and banquets while walking to the door. I opened the door and it was my friend.
He should be here at 3 o'clock and he was a little early. I took a shower and we took a walk around a Christmas decorated town in the afternoon. It was nice to walk around even though you were constantly pestered with Christmas songs.
We were coming around the corner to soi 8 were my hotel is when we ran in to three Japanese girls. We said hello, but they didn't gave us a second glimpse. Hmm, well, they looked (without a word) at us like we were something the cat had dragged in.
It was a set back, but we were soon sitting in a bar listening to music and all about the Japanese girls were soon forgotten. Time turned quick and we should be at the Christmas dinner at 1900.
I returned to my hotel, a quick 57 seconds walk away, for a shower. Lo and behold, when I stepped out of the elevator at the 6th floor I ran in to the Japanese girls. They were all dressed up for the evening and now it was no more of the “Silent treatment ”. They told me that they were going to the Christmas banquet and now I was glad I didn't threw away my tickets.
I called my friend, he was waiting for me at the bar down the road.
- HEY! What happens if we don't show up at the dinner until 8 o'clock? I asked.
- Well, I guess nothing, he said.
-What about the Christmas banquet at my hotel? I suggested.
- The Japanese girls live next to me and they are going there, I continued.
- Most likely the banquet will be a dull party, but if we're not going the will think I'm puffed up with conceit, I said.
I have two tickets and no wife, and I had not found a girlfriend so I can bring my friend.
We went up to the 11th floor and we were welcomed with a drink and we moved in to the ball room. We had no intention to eat the dinner, then we would be full for our Swedish Christmas dinner. We had a few drinks and we just had enough to muster the courage needed to start talking with the Japanese girls at the table next to us.
I could not believe my ears when the band started to play Elvis Presley tunes and we were out of there quicker than we had come, Elvis is not known for bringing up our party mood.
We left for my friend's apartment to pick up his girl friend. He also needed to take a shower and change before going to the restaurant. I don't know what time we arrived, but 30 minutes later I was so full I could hardly move. Well, when it is party time I try to avoid restaurants. Surfeited with Christmas food and the high spirit turned in to a felling of wanting to go to bed.
We took the 20 minutes walk down to the bar outside my hotel. The first 30 minutes we were still tired after the dinner. But the Christmas spirit was soon back. It just took us a few more of the Bacardi orange juice to get back the Christmas spirit.
I bought 2 cans of party string. We all remember the old style streamers that you had to blow. Now they come in spray cans as party strings, it is possible to reach quite a range with the spray cans. No problem to reach someone at the other side of the bar.
I started out with the bar tender and, well, it was fun with the first sprinkling, but it was quite something else when I discharged the whole can over her. My two cans were soon empty.
We had a few more of the Bacardi orange juice when the street vendor came back with more cans of party strings. I bought 2 more cans without the staff notice anything.
I discharged these two cans on the bartender and this triggered a party string war. Now it was not enough to buy the cans two by two, a can don't last very long.
Party stringsNow I bought the cans by the bags or crates. All the street vendors that sold party string on spray can were at the bar. I got loads of it and I discharged can after can at the staff and they tried to take my cans from me.
When I had the spray string it was not fun, but every time they managed to take my cans it was fun. They sprayed the whole place.
They sneaked up on me from all directions and discharged their cans all over me. I was busy keeping a sharp look out while downing my Bacardi orange juice.
Well, there were actually never any dull moments. When there was a suspension of the string spray hostilities they took the opportunity to set off fire crackers. It was a terrible noise.
We can see the street full of party strings
I never sat off any fire crackers. With my luck I would have managed to set fire to the block with a poor fire cracker. I can imagine the excitement when the Police arrives to the scene and everyone is pointing at me:
- It was Aladdin!
Buy now everyone at the bar was spraying me and there was a Spanish girl, I think. She was screaming of laughter and I discharged 3 or 4 cans over her. Now I got her against me as well and every time I turned my back she discharged a can over me.
I can't help thinking about how much waste we were generating during the hours. Hundreds of empty spray cans and God knows what the spray was made off.
The gas smelled like solvent and we all know how good solvent is for the environment. But if they can use Metal Brite on Rainbow Warrior we can use a little spray during the festivities to help bring up the Christmas spirit a few notches. But still, I'm thinking about it and I knew I will not feel good about it tomorrow.
But again, I think I have other things to worry about tomorrow. A hangover will be a sure thing.
Tomorrow will be another day and it would not be the first day I spend in bed.
It didn't take long for the bar to be covered in party string. Well, it seems to be easy to remove, but still, I'm glad that I don't have to clean it. Imagine doing it with a full force hangover, well, I will not be here tomorrow.
The place needs a good cleaning
We continued the party string fight in to the wee hours and I spent thousands of woody dollars buying party string. The vendors had a good evening, well, it's Christmas and everyone should enjoy the festivities.
Well, the music was good and I have the Vodka Red bull coming at a steady stream (I changed from Bacardi orange juice to Vodka Red bull earlier) and the only interruption was a guy wanting to play one of his CDs. Yes he had a whole bag with him.
But PLEASE! I saw the CD cover, “Phil's songs. Traditional Scottish tunes ” or something like that. Well, I think you can already now sense how this is going to turn out.
After 3 seconds the crowd started to scream, TURN IT OFF! I asked for my bill and the Scottish music where gone before very very soon. Of course when a guy with a 150 woody dollar bill wants to play music and the guys with the 3000 woody dollars bill wants to leave. Hmm, the choice is obvious for the staff.
We were playing grade A Hip Hop in a bar a few years back. One of the customer came and made a request for a song. The bartender turned on the song and we asked for our bill. Well, the requested CD were in the incinerator quicker tan we could say HEY! I know it sounds harsh, especially for J, but when you run a bar you need to sell to make a profit.
Well, I think you understand the way the bartender thinks when a guy, stretching his beer for 2 hours, wants to listening to Julias Iglesis and the customers downing drinks like there is no tomorrow wants to listen to GOOD MUSIC. For me it is obvious.
When he turned on the Scottish music it was like putting a lid on the party, Well, the lid was soon off again and the good music were on full blast again and we could continue to celebrate the Christmas. I left at 3 o'clock, hitting it for a club with good music further down the Beach Road.
I went to pick up my friend and his wife on the way. I ordered a quick Vodka Red bull. This was hard, after 10 minutes ordering Vodka Red bull in all the languages I knew they came back.
- Sorry, we don't have any Vodka Lady boy.
We were soon at the club and the music was good, but I'm getting too old and it was way too late for me. We left the place and I was in bed just before 6 o'clock in the morning.
25th of December 2006 and I got out of bed, no, I woke up at 3 o'clock in the afternoon and I got out of bed at 1630. I left my room at 6 o'clock and I went for a dinner and a hair cut. I spent the evening at the cinema with the Nurse and I went back to my hotel and the bed.
On the way back to the hotel I meet several of the people from the party string war and, well, surprise or not, no one had forgotten me.
26th of December 2006 and a SMS woke me up at 1045. Well, one hour earlier
Even worse, I have a big bed on my room. Hmm, it's actually two beds with a big madras on top. I don't know what I had been doing during the night, but the beds were parted and I woke up between the beds with the big madras like a hammock. I had a terrible wryneck and I could hardly move.
I worked my way out of the bed and I found the laundry bag. I had been searching for the laundry bag so I could clean my shirts. Now it's time to leave and it's too late to do the laundry. I'm thinking about staying here over New Years eve as well and I can take a TAXI home to do the laundry. I also need to check my apartment and maybe take one day in school.
- Hmm, I know one gay being disappointed if I'm not home the 1st of January when he returns from China.
Well, the Nurse called and we meet for lunch at 2 o'clock and I told her about my wryneck.
- Take a massage, she suggested.
- I don't like massage, I said.
I mean, massage is squeeze, bang-bang, knead and a slap. It is not a pleasant experience and I never do it. But what the heck? Let's try I said and we left for a massage. After 1 hour of massage it was like the pepper plaster I got on Pegasus. You forget all about the wryneck while someone is hitting you.
Recovering from the Christmas festivities, wryneck and an oncoming cold with a slight fever. Not the best day to decide if I should stay or go home.
Or go home for two days and return on Friday. I like the hotel, just across the street from were I used to stay. But last time the AC was not working, snowing on the TV screen and there was only boiling and ice water to choice from in the shower. This is a little more expensive, but it's worth it. At least when having a nice and warm shower.
I can't say that I have used my school books as much as I had planned and the long constitutionals along the beach, well, there had been none of those. Hmm, stay or leave? This and much more is what I had to decide after the massage. But firs a couple of Aspirin for my fever.
My friend called, he had been absent since I left him 6 o'clock in the morning after the Christmas Festivities. He had been sick for 2 days and maybe this is what I'm up to now. The Swedish restaurant??!!
He wants to celebrate the New Year's eve in FUNKY TOWN and we will decide if we stay at the beach or if we go to FUNKY TOWN.
But now I'm off to drop an Aspirin, stay tuned! I just want to wish you a happy New Year before leaving.
What to do on New Years Eve. My friend wanted to come for the famous night life in FUNKY TOWN and I really didn't know. Going to the beach seems like the best idea. I have done what I came to in FUNKY TOWN. Well, I should do three things and I managed to do zip. I could not connect to my internet bank so now one of my Master Cards will be use less.
I should go to school and I came to school in time, but the Teachers looked puzzled when I came.
- You told us that you would not come this week!
- I just popped by to see if you have time, I said.
- Wait for 40 minutes, they said.
I waited for 5 minutes while drinking a Diet Drink and I got bored.
- Well, I call you when I came back, I said and left.
I called my travel agency to book a hotel at the beach. They called me back after 15 minutes and they told me all hotels were full over the New Year. I tried the internet and all hotels were full. What the ...?
I really wanted to go down continue the party string war and I checked the Yellow Pages. I was down to the guesthouse section and I was about to give up. Guesthouse, well, I don't know.
There was a name I recognised. It was a nice English restaurant and pub that have room upstairs and I gave them a call.
- Sorry we are full!
There was another guesthouse Anna Jet's, I called and I got the last room. I checked their web page and I found the following:
If you are staying just a couple of hours (?) or a few months, you can be sure of a friendly welcome with us. We have 21 rooms above Anna Jet bar and would put ourselves in the "budget" (see prices) category but think we have everything you need to make your stay a success.
All rooms have
•en-suite facilities including hot water showers
•ceiling fans - so you don't need to run the air-conditioning all night
•cable TV - around 50 channels, including 4-5 with English language movies and 2-4 with news. Also channels in Russian, French, German, Italian, Chinese and Indian.
•in-room safe (air-con rooms only)
•solid walls - forget your impressions from that movie “The Beach”!
We also have a laundry...so you really can travel light.....they will also do minor repairs if you ask.
To be fair.....some things you should understand:
•The furnishing is basic, no frills - each room is clean, bright and has a double bed, a TV, safe, wardrobe and fridge - what you need, but little else!
•We are a Guesthouse, not a Hotel, we don't provide room-service (although some of our Ladies can be very accommodating) or 24 hour reception / security - so please don't ask for an early morning call at 6 am!
•We don't have a restaurant - within a couple of minutes walk you can have a full English Breakfast for 68 baht and enjoy Italian, Indian, Chinese, Norwegian, English, Mexican, Austrian, Belgian and of course Thai food. Next door we have a 24hr '7-11' for all those little essentials that crop up at 4 in the morning!
•We are in the center of one of the world's most lively nightspots - things don't die down until after 1 am - so if you like to get your beauty sleep early then we are probably not your sort of place.
•Whilst we keep an eye on who comes and goes and lock the outside door after the bar closes (you have a key), we don't attempt to interfere with anyone's choice of companion - so we strongly advise you use the in-room safe.
•We also provide additional free security lockers with access from the bar (normally from 09.30 - 03.00) - ideal for a Lap-top or anything else too big to put in the in-room safe.
Well, I'm set to go celebrating New Years eve on the beach. Lo and behold, I managed to connect to m internet bank as well and now I'm down to two things that I didn't managed to do. I will leave tomorrow with a TAXI and I hope we don't have to experience some heavy weekend traffic.
I will arrive in good time for New Year and the party. Well, I will not buy any more of the party string. Spraying away thousands of woody dollars while trashing the bar.
It's the tradition to spray water and baby powder on each other at the traditional New Year in April. We were sitting in a bar when my friends wife poured two baby powder flakes on me from a very very small jar.
I was of to the convenient store next door and I bought a big bucket of baby powder and I emptied it over her. Now the war was on. I was spending more time in the convenient store buying baby powder than in the bar.
Another friend arrived and he had brought a friend with him. The first thing this guy told me when he saw me enter the bar with a bucket of baby powder was.
- Hey! Don't pour that over me. I'm going to a party tonight.
I had emptied the bucket over him before he finished the sentence. My friend told him:
- That you are going to a party tonight is not the smartest thing to say today.
When we were finished (when we had finished both the baby powder and the prickly heat in the two convenient stores closest to us) the bar was white all the way from the toilets and 4 meters out on the road.
Well, it took years before they managed to get the baby powder out of the bar. Well, its party.
But I hope I can avoid adventures with powder and party strings over the New Years holiday. I will bring my school books again, and this time I will use them, well, not on New Years eve. The day after I might have a hangover and as you understand I will not use them for sure.
Well, then it's time to get serious. Soon time to work, but they gave me some extra time for my diet before signing on the ship.
Barcarolle will be in the States around 25th of January, delayed with 2 weeks and I'm not sure I appreciate it. I'm ready to leave for the ship. If I knew they would be delayed that much I would have taken another ship while waiting.
I left FUNKY TOWN with a taxi at 3 o'clock and I checked in to the guesthouse at 1730. I put my bag on the room
After the meal it was time for a drink. I remembered what it said on my guesthouse's web page:
•We are in the center of one of the world's most lively nightspots - things don't die down until after 1 am - so if you like to get your beauty sleep early then we are probably not your sort of place.
Well, I could need a few months of heavy duty beauty sleep, but I'm in the place. Let's try to get drunk, then you can sleep no matter what. And 1am, where did they have that from? well, it actually says after 1am.
It's 24-7 music, fire crackers and screaming just outside my window, I love it!
I should meet my friend at 8 o'clock and I went to the place for a Bacardi orange juice while waiting. They had not forgotten me and there were still traces of the party strings in the bar.
I brought a few CDs for the DJ and the music were stomping. Even the people in the next door bar was enjoying the music, doing the moves and pointing fingers in all directions. Well, good music and you can't stay still. CUTS AND RAPS!
I remember a few years ago when I was in a bar listening to Danish Rap music. We had the music blasting high in the Richter scale and suddenly there was a drink in front of me.
- What is this?
- It's from that guy.
A Danish guy had heard the music while drinking in a bar next door and he came over and bought me a drink.
Well, we left the place and we didn't walk very long before sitting in another bar. The party string fight were in full swing when we arrived. I'm glad to say that I didn't join the fight, Just two cans, or something like that. Now they had spray snow as well and I bought a can. Just to try it out.
We were sitting in the bar drinking orange juice and we were about to leave when I saw a girl. I thought I recognised her and yes it was the very same girl I had knew for 15 years. I have not seen her for 3 years or something.
I remember her Canadian Uncle and wife wanted me to get married with her. She sent me a few “ I love you letters ” and whenever her Aunt saw me she stopped me.
- Aladdin, now you go and get married with her!
I was out of there quicker than I had arrived, but I still meet her every now and then, but now I hadn't seen her for a few years.
We had a few drinks and the time turned quick. I left and honestly, I don't remember when I left and where I went.
I don't know what time I returned to my guesthouse, but I know I didn't came out of bed until 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Another wasted day at the beach.
Idag e d inte kul att heta morfar!
It was not easy to get out of bed, but I could not hang around the guesthouse all day long. When you stay at a guesthouse you don't spend more time at the room than absolute necessary.
I spent the day drinking milkshakes walking around. There is very much to see and the city id full of tourists. I have never seen so many Russian families before. They are everywhere and now a day all the signs are in Russian.
In the evening I went to the cinema and we had 30 minutes to wait before the movie started and we went to the Haunted Adventures at Ripley's museum, just next door from the cinema.
I remember when I went there a year ago with J and Jongsi. We went in and after 12 seconds Jongsi was screaming with fear. It was not the rollercoaster scream, this was a cry of distress. The cry was pitching high and she felt on the floor screaming. The staff had to light up the place and they came in through a side door and took her out of there. J and I continued the tour, but now we were a little embarrassed.
Now they gave us a rope to hold on to and we were 10 - 15 persons entering the place.
- Don't let go of the rope and never walk back, only forward, they told us.
The group was headed by a guy looking like a commando and I was on third place. Then there were two ladies, Russian I think and a lot of children. One of the Russian girls started to scream and I though:
- Not again!
Well, after three minutes our Commando was lost and they put me in the lead. I had to walk slowly so the children could see all the scary things. Between the scary stuff it was pitch dark, hmm, it was nice when we came out. Well, when we came out it was only me and the guy at the other end of the rope left. We lost the children on the way, but I hope they have found them by now.
Bowling and Italian restaurant and then off to bed.
---------------- New Years Eve ---------------
My friend wanted to celebrate New Year in FUNKY TOWN and we had an appointment in a bar at 1330 at soi 8. From there we should take a taxi to FUNKY TOWN.
First thing when arriving to the bar was to ask them to turn on one of the CDs I had given to the DJ. We asked the bartender to arrange a taxi for us and I ordered an orange juice. I asked them to add a little Bacardi when the music was up and running. I ordered a second one and we asked for the taxi.
- I thought you were joking, she said.
- NO, we are going to FUNKY TOWN celebrating the New Year, I said.
- But you can't go! I will miss you and the party spray! You must stay! PLEASE! Here will be no fun if you are not here, she said.
- Well, I have to go, I'm back tomorrow.
- I will get a taxi, she said.
- Don't bother, we go get a taxi at 2nd road, I said.
- I WILL MISS YOU, she cried when we left.
We made a record breaking trip to Bangkok. less than 2 hours later we were in my apartment. A shower and a few drinks and we were on town.
---------------- 2007 ---------------
Waking up was no fun, I spent hours watching Simpson's on DVD and every now and then I was off to the bathroom throwing up. I was in a bad shape and it was not the best way to start the new year.
While lying in my bed choosing between throwing my self out from the balcony or drowning myself in the bathtub Mr “Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” called.
- Oh no! I can't take any of the pestering now, I thought.
After 100 signals I thought that his guy never gives up and I answered.
- What's happening? Are they bombing the place?
- Bombing?! I don't know anything about any bombs, I said and suddenly I recalled the SMS from our Assistant Cook on Rainbow Warrior. She had sent something about bombs but I had not understood what she meant. But obviously they had blown of a few bombs yesterday and I checked BBC world for details.
We decided to meet at Tony Roma's at 1530 for a dinner. I had to muster all my strength to get out of bed for a shower.
We left my apartment, my friend and his wife had arrived to my apartment at 1130 after a night on hotel. They should have lived in my guestroom, but we forget the extra key when we left my apartment yesterday and I lost them later in the evening.
We had just arrived to Tony Roma's and placed our orders when Mr “Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” arrived. He handed me the Christmas gift he bought in China. It was something, well, a compass that the Chinese use to point out some place in China. There is a scale and a table on the compass they use for different things in life, such as furnishing their home.
- Now you have to marry a Chinese so she can interpret the stuff for you. This thingumabob will guide you through your life, he said.
When we finished the dinner it was time for us to return to the beach, and believe me, this taxi trip was nothing I was looking forward to. The worst hangover in a long time and 2 hours on the highway. Where is my bed?
But the Christmas is over and a new year. I will start my new life tomorrow and the first thing I did when arriving to the beach was to buy nico chew and I will attach a nico plaster when I go to bed tonight.
The festive season had brought plenty good food and drinks over me and I had enough of this unhealthy living by now and I decided that 2nd of January 2007 will be the dawn of a new healthy era for me. Before leaving my friend we made an appointment for a swim tomorrow morning.
Tuesday 2nd of January 2007 and my guesthouse days are over, for this time anyway. I was coming back from the swimming pool and I had walked along the beach with my friend. We walked up soi 8 and we passed the hotel I used to stay at.
- I will just check if there is any room available, I said.
I had been walking around town yesterday looking for a hotel and everything was full so I didn't have much hope. But lo and behold, they had a room, there was a guy checking out just when we came in to the reception.
- I'm off to get my bag at the guesthouse, I said.
I will not miss the guesthouse, well, it was OK but I prefer my hotel. Hmm, maybe I will look back to this adventure with tears in my eyes in a few years:
- I remembered when I travelled the world with only 6 dollars........
Well, I came back from the beach Saturday afternoon. I had spent most of the three last days in bed after burning my self in the sun. Fever and pain was almost gone when I came back home. I had been to the hospital to see a Doctor and I got some medication.
Well, I spoke with Mr “Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” on the phone when I approached FUNKY TOWN and
- Let's go for a cup of coffee (tea), he suggested.
- All right! Where? I asked.
- At soi 51 there is a place were the jet set is having their coffee, do you know the place?
- Never been there, I said.
When we arrived to soi 51 I recognized the place. I had been there with him and his girlfriend a few years ago. Back then it was the same story.
- Hey, I found a new place were the jet set is drinking coffee, Mr “Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” said.
When we went there we ordered our tea, and after 45 minutes we had got fåck all and we left. I reminded him off the incident and we just drove by. We chugged around for more than one our looking for a coffee shop while contributing to the global warming with plenty greenhouse gases.
Finally we passed a place close to were I live and we parked the car. When we entered the place I ordered tea while Mr “Why are you wasting your life in Rome ” checked out the cakes.
- You told me that you only ate bananas and oranges. What about your new life? I asked.
- Well, I don't take it too seriously, he said.
What the ...? I have heard nothing but his new life this and that every time on the phone. I was enjoying myself on the beach and he tried to make me feel bad by telling me about his new healthy life style.
- I only eat bananas and oranges, bananas and oranges, blah-blah, bananas and oranges, blah-blah-blah, you want to join my new life? blah-blah-bla, I only eat bananas and oranges, babbling babbling.............
- But...eh...... what abou........, I tried.
- I only eat bananas and oranges, bananas and oranges, blah-blah, bananas and oranges, blah-blah-blah, you want to join my new life? blah-blah-bla, I only eat bananas and oranges, babbling babbling.............
One more weekend and I will kick start my new life. On Friday I will attend a graduation ceremony at
force 9,8 and you really wished that the body guards had shot you right on the spot or that you were hit by a bus on the way home. Well, anyway, this is not the kind of attention I wish for.
But it reminded me of a tourist I saw on the news when we were in the beach. He had been dead drunk but still driving his car. He had been driving down the Beach Road overtaking all the cars in 200 and he hit another tourist farting along on his moped.
The tourist on the moped died instantly in a pool of blood, they showed it on TV. The Police took the drunk driver to the station were he started to make trouble with the Police. Yeah, you can imagine, drunk and cocky:
- Fåck off! I didn't do anything! Let go of me bastards! You good for nothing a-holes!
They showed it on TV. Well, it was not the smartest move.
Imagine being locked up in a cell with 20 other people, well, he was dead drunk and he consider it as a big mistake (and a little inconvenience, he could be at a bar having a good time). You are sitting in a cell and when your drunk there is no problem, I just say that it was a UFO taking over the car. Yeah, that's it. I'm laughing a little full of confident, this is the master plan. I praise my sagacity.
- Yeah, this is what I will say next time the guard passes by.
I will soon be home in my bed, and if the guard shows up soon I might catch a beer or two in a bar before returning home. Where are the guards? The time passing by and slowly you are getting tired and your comfort slowly becomes a hangover. Suddenly I realize that claiming that it was a UFO driving the car wasn't the smartest thing to do.
Slowly it sinks in to you what you have done and now sitting there on a wooden bench. Thirsty, hangover and agony for what you have done, fåcking hell, I would prefer to feel like I did when I woke up after New Years eve very day for the rest of my life.
He was released until trial for a 200 000 woody dollars bail. Imagine stay in the hotel room with agony waiting for the trial, well, not this one. He went out celebrating, roaring drunk again and he managed to blow of his arm with a fire cracker. At the hospital they said it was his karma. Well, I doubt it helps the guy on the moped or his relatives.
Well, any way I doubt I will see Her Royal Highness Princess Maha Chakri Sirindhorn, she is surrounded by millions of cops. I asked the graduate if she could bring me along when she was picking up her graduation from the Princess.
- You can introduce me as the handsome, single SUPER Swede, I suggested.
- You are crazy!
Well, I have prepared my self for next weekend, my last adventure ( at least I think so) before leaving for the ship. My fridge is full of milk, bananas and ice cream. I'm reading a novel, and the fictitious character always mixed bananas and milk in a blender when he had a hangover. According to him this should be for a hangover like an aspirin is for headache.
OK, I must admit that my freezer is full of ice cream as well, it can't make it worse. Actually, I'm looking forward to spend the whole day in bed with my banana shakes and my 7 seasons of Simpsons on DVD.
- Hmm, the whole day in bed? Hardly, Saturday and it's party time and there will come 10 beautiful university girls to cook in my kitchen. They will go to the market and buy food, I had enough of shopping at our last cooking adventure and I will stay home. (Watching Simpsons and drink banana shakes, well, 10 beautiful girls and I'm better off pouring some ABSOLUT in the banana shake. Just to get a wee bit more handsome)
Well, I have to call in a few of they guys, I can't be alone with the girls. Yesterday I told one of the girls about my concerns and she asked me:
- Are you afraid of getting raped?
- You're darn right I am!
Well, I should meet two of my teachers outside my school 5 minutes after 5 in the afternoon. I had bought my gift 2 days ago and everything was set to go.
Before leaving for my appointment I checked my refrigerator and freezer one more time just to make sure I had the ice cream, bananas and milk for tomorrow. I have told everyone not to call me before 4 - 5 o'clock tomorrow afternoon, I will need to get all the rest I can get before the guests arriving tomorrow.
I think I got the go ahead from my neighbours, I ran in to the guy next door a few days ago. He was smiling (almost beaming of joy) and said:
- Hello! How's life? Do you want to marry my daughter?
Well, I think you understand that I just made up the part about his daughter, but I got the feeling that they had forgot all about my previous parties and music. Well, that's tomorrow, today its graduation party. Hang on, it will be fun!
Well, I woke up by a SMS at 12 o'clock. I had been doing homework until 0200 and I woke up 8 o'clock, it was nice to turn around falling asleep again. I felt so good when I woke up at 12, I had a long nice sleep. Well, the SMS was from one of the girls: Meet me at Robinson, I will buy a gift before we are leaving for the University.
- What the h***!? She will fart along looking for gifts while we miss the party.
Yeah, a girl can spend hours shopping. I bought my gift 2 days ago, it took me 5 minutes. I also know the Friday afternoon traffic and if she will start looking for a gift at 1730 we can as well skip the graduation ceremony. Well, the party will go on all night long, but I know how to party. I'm interested in the graduation ceremony.
Well, we meet outside Robinsons at 1720, there were two Japanese guys coming with us to the party. We dodged the traffic by taking motorcycle taxis to the boat. It took us 10 minutes by boat to Ramkhanghaeng instead of 2 hours in a taxi.
The boat was packed with people and it was nice when we got of the boat. The university was not far from the boat stop, but the graduate was in the park near by with her friends. It was a brisk 15 minutes walk to the park and we meet her. We just missed her parents, they had returned home a few minutes before we arrived.
Now millions of pictures were taken and it went on for an hour or so. I was happy when our graduate asked if we were hungry. We started to move towards a restaurant and after 5 minutes we were sitting down listen to music waiting for the beer.
It was a BBQ restaurant and they put 4 grills on the table together with many plates with different kind of meats and vegetables. We had a steady stream of beers coming to our table and the spirit was high.
We were 15 - 20 people around the table and it was sizzling from the BBQ. Time turned quick and it was soon time for people to go home.
I should have done the same, but for me it was disco time. It was 6 of us going to RCA with one of the cars and we arrived around 1 o'clock in the morning.
Well, our Japanese friend had to go home, he didn't have any ID card and now they check ID on all visitors. Well, I think they look for terrorists.
By now I should have learnt by previous mistakes and I should have gone home to bed at 10 o'clock. But no, not me, not earlier than 4 o'clock in the morning.
I woke up at 1230, when I looked at my watch I thought it was 6 o'clock in the morning.
- Shit! Not again!
It's impossible to sleep with a hangover and I'm used to sleep for a few hours only. OK, my life Coach uses to call early to pester me. But I turned of all my phones yesterday and I felt OK at 1230. I went up and I made my self a banana shake (5 litres). Before returning to my bed I started to record P3 Hip Hop on internet.
Well, after 2 giant banana shakes I didn't feel any better, but I don't know if it was because of the shakes or due to the developing hangover, or a combination of both.
At 1530 4 girls arrived with the food and 10 minutes later my friend and his wife came with the cakes. The kitchen was full of people cooking and I was busy tending my hangover. After I few beers I was back to be the charming guy you all are used to see me as.
It didn't take long for the girls to find my headgears and they tried everything on. People were dropping in during the afternoon, all except the birthday girl.
- Where is the birthday girl? They asked.
- I don't know!
I don't even know what time we had decided to meet. The only thing I know is that I told them not to be here BEFORE 1600 so I could sleep.
The food were ready and we were waiting, someone told me that they should be here at 4 o'clock and someone told us that it was 7 o'clock. Never mind the table were full of food and we started to eat.
The girls cooking got angry around 8 o'clock because the birthday girl didn't show up and they left. They had just left when they called again.
- The birthday girl is waiting at 7/11 and she doesn't know where you live. Can you please pick her up?
One of the guys went down to pick them up and they were soon back. It knocked on the door and there were millions of girls coming in. The food was soon finished and we brought the birthday cakes that my friend bought to FUNKY TOWN. We were afraid we had to throw them away, but the girls showed up and now they could finish the cakes.
We kept the music blasting high and the spirit was high, well, it was another of those 4 o'clock in the morning nights and it was no joke waking up Sunday morning.
I got out of bed at 1730 in the afternoon, I had spent the day in bed with milkshakes and a season of the Family Guy. My life coach called at 1500 and asked if I wanted to come on a graduation dinner.
- It's a friend of my wife taking the Master degree in Business and Marketing. They asked if Aladdin wanted to come.
- Do I know them?
- No, but the Hip Hop school girl is coming, he said.
- I let you know in 1 hour, I said.
At 1730 one of my friends were knocking on the door, he had signed off a ship yesterday and now he wanted to visit me. He was roaring drunk and he felt asleep in one of my armchairs after 10 minutes. I took a shower while he was sleeping and when I was ready it was time for me to go for the dinner. I kicked out my friend and I left with a taxi.
Well, it turned out that it was the Hip Hop girl graduating. We had a nice dinner, but man! I had the worst hangover and I don't know if I was the most charming guy around, but I gave it a good try.
Well, it's time for me to hibernate, I'm soon off to Barcarolle. If you think you can handle the excitement just hang on! It will be nice to go back to work and make some use of myself again.
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