January 2010  

Friday 1st of January 2010 and the “Best looking guy in town '09” diet had not been quite
Before
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the success I had been hoping for. Never mind I will start my new “Best looking guy in town '10” diet as per today!

We arrived to Skarvik 511 at 3 o'clock in the morning. And we started to load at 6 o'clock after a long discussion about how much cargo we should discharge. I had 2500MT and the Terminal had orders for 2300m³ only.

It was almost 7 o'clock when I went to bed and I can't say that I had any good sleep when I woke up at 10. I blame it on the diet drinks, but now I have finished my last bottle and I will not buy any more of the darn stuff. I'm feeling better drinking tea and Ramlösa.

Coming down to my office and there was a parcel on my table.
Ek-River - Yippeee!!!!!! My Christmas gift!!!
My friend had told me that he had sent a Christmas gift and all my mail coming to his address in Sweden. He has been driving me up the walls going on about this “Christmas gift” in every e-mail and every time I had been talking with him. And of course, he had been on about his birthday and Christmas gift from me every time.
Terrible Christmas, you never got me any gifts.
I never got any birthday gift for my birthday.

Ek-RiverWell, shouldn't have surprised me when I arrived to Sweden. Now you can come pick it up in FUNKY TOWN.

So after all this you can imagine my expectations and my disappointment when I ripped open the envelope. Yeah, I ripped open the envelope just to discover CD with Christmas songs. Is this for real? EN RIKTIGT SVENSK JUL, just in class with the “18 yodel hits” he bought me the other year.
Well, “18 yodel hits” ended straight up where it belonged, in the trash bin. Followed by the cd EN RIKTIGT SVENSK JUL. What a f@cking waste!

Björn, d e ju inte ens roligt. Hadde varit bättre om du hadde get dom 9,75 till Frälsis. För att inte tala om påfrestningen på miljön att tillverka och distrubuera skiten. Nä du, ett riktigt lågvatten märke även för att vara från dig! Här gick man och såg fram emot en riktigt fin julegave och så detta.... ja, hmm, jag saknar ord!!!


Luckily enough we have our Cook, first she got me the Anthon Berg Marzipan. And by the way, they Ek-Riverare finished by now. I'm still looking for the guy who stole them from my cabin.

Well, today she arranged Aladdin chocolate for me. Her friend brought it to me when she came to visit our Cook.
Ek-River- SO YOU ARE ALADDIN!!??
Obviously she knew all about me and it turned out that she had been on my web page as well. And the second thing she said was:
- What a nice shirt!
- Thanks�, but I know! I hear it 1000 times per day.

Our OS was on cloud 9 when he left the ship with 2 girls after lunch.
- Where the are you going?
- ASHORE!!!
- Be careful!! And keep your clothes on!
I told our Cook that she was responsible and not to abuse him. Well, they left and not long after one of our ABs came back from shore. He had brought a whole bag of Aladdin chocolate for me. That's the spirit!
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So now I have Aladdin chocolate to last me for a while. Well, they thought that I was going to eat Ek-River all of the boxes myself. But that's not possible, I'm taking the “Best looking guy in town '10” diet very serious.

One of our 2nd Officers was walking around the heap of chocolate Ek-Riveron my table. He was drooling when he asked me when I was going to open the boxes. And for sure, he didn't believe me when I said “NEVER”.

We finished discharging 5 minutes after 3 o'clock in the afternoon and we had to wait for shore to blow the line before we could start load again.

While waiting we did the paper work with the Surveyor. We will load from 2 shore tanks and they will do a line mix so we only need to fill our tanks to 85,4% and we have mixed all 3 grades of Low Sulphur Fuel Oil. Ready Ek-Riverto discharge in Le Havre when we arrive on the 4th of January. According to rumours there will be a strike in Le Havre so we might have to wait at the anchorage.

Well, I had time for a quick dinner before we started to load. And I also had time to check on our OS in the crew's mess room. And he was beaming of joy, he had 2 girls at the table. So I was kicked out from the crew's mess room, yeah, I guess our Cook didn't liked me watching over our OS. But they didn't manage to get rid of me that easy, I just can't leave our OS alone with 2 girls like that.

We started to load 10 minutes before 6 o'clock and I was back in my cabin at 7. Luckily enough I managed to fall asleep. I will soon be up and about again. Expect to complete loading around 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning. And guess who they are going to call then. Yes, me.

Saturday 2nd of January 2010 and they called me 10 minutes after 1 o'clock. No problem, I had been up since 22:30 when I woke up. Well, I was in the CCR in 2 steps, everything looked good so I went to get a cup of tea.

We completed loading about 30 minutes after 1 o'clock in the morning and when our Surveyor came onboard we printed an ullage report. Actually 2, he didn't know if final density would ne 0,940 or 0,939 so we made 2 ullage reports.
- When we know the right density we keep that ullage report.
He would be back with final density and the cargo documents in a few hours. There had not been much sleep the last 3 nights so I went back to bed trying to get some sleep.

I didn't get much sleep because our Surveyor was back at 04:45.
Ek-River- Sorry, I was a little quicker than expected.
Paper work was ready just before 05:30 and pilot was ordered for 05:45.

I woke up a few minutes before 12 so I had time for a quick shower before going down for lunch. Well, yet another day f@cked up, I have been u p all night the 3 last nights and it feels like I have a hangover. And that's enough proof for my LACK OF SLEEP theory and why the magic blue did wonders for my hangover. I'm too old for this running up all night business. But I can't complain, this was the first nights I had to be up since I joined this ship so it's not so very bad.
- Hmm, at least I think so.

Sunday 3rd of January 2010 and I was dead tired when I woke up 20 minutes before 8 o'clock. Of course, I didn't manage to fall asleep until very early this morning. And that's even though I was tired and I hadn't had any diet drinks in a few days.

I was in the galley to get my morning tea when our Mess Man hollered at me.
Ek-River- What the are they doing in your office?
- ??!!??
I went to check it out and Pump Man and OS were dancing in my office.
- What the ??!!
On my way to the galley from my cabin I always Ek-Riverstops at my office to turn on the music.

I tried to get in to position for a few good pictures but it proved to be hard. The doorway in the galley was blocked by Mess Man and our Cook.

Yeah, what to expect? When there are shaking arses in my office she is there to watch. Or maybe it's my music.

I finished my tea and most of my paperwork before 9 o'clock when it was Ek-Rivertime for us to take a safety round on deck. We need to check the ship if there is something to rectify. We will also have a safety meeting after lunch so it�s a good thing to be UP TO DATE.

When we finished Captain and Chief Engineer continued with the accommodating and I went to my office fixing a new power cord for the Loading Computer at my desk.

I also finished my discharge plan and we will try a new technique this time. we have removed the blinds from the stripping line when we loaded the gas condensate in Svetly. We didn't bother putting them back so this time I will try to blow the cargo lines ashore instead of blowing them back in to the cargo tanks.
And hopefully we will have a few cubic meters less ROB after discharging.
Well, we need to have fire, lifeboat drills once a month and after lunch it was time again. A well Ek-Rivertrained crew is what every ship owner wants, even though many of them don't want to pay for it. Hell, Ek-Rivermany ship owners don't even provide food for their crews.

Well, maybe that would be a good thing for me, coming home like a handsome man.

But maybe not, we remember Alpha Ship when I had to go down in the stores and steal food for the crew. A 60 year old AB crying because he is hungry, for sure, not an everyday sight. At least not in the companies I use to work for. If you ever thinking of a life at sea, please, make sure you are choosing a Scandinavian Shipping Company. Food and salary, at least in most of them.

Sunday disappeared quickly and it was soon evening again. I just sense that January will be a quick one and I'm soon back home. I had paid a visit to the galley in the evening and I was ridden by agony when I returned to my cabin.
- Shh, please, don't tell our Cook, but I was down there to finish all our Danish.
So when I returned to my cabin I wasn't feeling all that good. I passed our Pump Man's cabin and that didn't made thing s better. Obviously he had gotten the bag of Flæske Sværer of our 2nd Officer. This time I could not resist the offer.

Pump Man was sitting in his sofa playing with his computer.
- Hey, what are you up to?
- I'm chatting.
- With your wife?
- No, with our OS.
- What the !!?? Is this what the social life has come to?
So he is chatting with the OS on the internet instead of going to see the OS in his cabin.

Well, we remember Bro Promotion when we were all members on Badoo. This was fun for exactly 2 minutes. We expected to find beautiful girls on the net but all we got out of it was some mind numbing chat. Most interested person on that network turned out to be our Motorman one deck below.

2 days and I erased my profile from the Badoo, yeah, I think they call it a social network.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT!
A social network. Well, I don't know if it's very social. I didn�t start any chat and, well, if you don�t know how to start they suggest a few ICE BREAKES and then you're supposed to take it from there. The ICE BREAKERS might be a good thing to get you started. One of the girls sent and ice breaker to me.
- Do you know a good place to rent bikes around here?
- Yeah, GO GIRL!! Now were up and running.
Well, from there on it went straight down wards. A few smileys and I were soon losing any interest. This exchange of words was not what you call an intellectual stimulation. But my favourite, yeah, a classic.
- Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
This is a sure give away. She doesn�t know any English and it will be smileys from there on.

Monday 4th of January 2010 and I woke up to a gorgeous day. Sunshine and no wind, we're only 20°C short of a very nice summer day. We dropped our anchor outside Le Havre at 10:40.
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Nice weather and we decided to launch our MOB boat. Nor very often we got the chance during the Ek-Riverwinter and we need to get the MOB in to the sea and manoeuvre the boat every 3 months.

Our MOB boat is located just outside our Mess Man's cabin and I spotted a bottle of diet drink in his window. The very same that I gave him a few days ago.

Of course, I left everything and I rushed down to the galley looking for our Mess Man. I left for his cabin and 3 seconds later a had our last bottle of diet drink in my hand.
Looks like it will be yet another festive evening with diet drink for me. Hopefully the last one.
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The MOB boat worked just fine and they were soon back so we could lift the boat and the crew back onboard. We managed to lift the boat, well, about 3 meters above sea level when the crane came to a full stop. Impossible to heave up the MOB boat so we had to lower it down to the water again. So instead of going up in the boat they had to climb back onboard, commando style.
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We had to put the MOB boat on the tank deck while the engine department repaired the crane. Ek-RiverLuckily enough it was nice weather and the sea was like a windmill pond. I can just imagine how it would have been to get the darn Ek-RiverMOB boat up on deck if we had been rolling.

Of course all this took a lot of man power from the deck work so the crew had to stop cleaning deck.

But most important was to recover the MOB boat, we don't want the darn thing on tank deck when the Pilot coming onboard tomorrow morning at 5 o'clock.

Tuesday 5th of January 2010 and they called me 15 minutes before 7.
- 30 minutes to the lock.
- OK, I'm coming.
I had a hot shower, taking the time to apply plenty of the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” and after that I was ready for some action. I was on the bridge in 2 steps and we entered to locks 10 minutes later. Ice, yes, there was ice in Le Havre harbour basin and that's not happening very often. We had +3°C on the thermometer but during the nights it was below zero.

We spent some 30 minutes in the lock and then it was just to cross the basin and we were at our jetty. All fast 10 minutes before 9 o'clock and we started to discharge at 10:55. We just started our pumps when we had to stop again, leaking cargo arm. The terminal crew checked on their arm and we resumed discharging 10 past 11. This time we could discharge for a few minutes before we had to stop again.

This time they disconnected the cargo arm trying to locate the problem. Well, I took the opportunity to catch the latest news in the kitchen. Well, of course, our OS was in the kitchen munching on our Cook's fresh made cookies.
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There was some problem with the cargo arm and it took around 1 hour before we could resume discharging again. Well, I'm in no hurry, I'm better off being ready tomorrow morning than in the middle of the night. Some of the crew went ashore after lunch and I gave them my last €.
- Please buy some diet drinks for me.
- We will be right on it!
- That's the spirit.
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Well, the day turned in to evening and still no sign off the crew that went ashore. Well, one of the ABs came back at 17:30 but no sign of my diet drinks or the others. I don't know, but maybe I'm Ek-Riverhooked on the diet drinks. I was waiting for the crew at my office. Well, it was more like I was hanging in the windows looking for them.

Something must have happened to them and it didn't look like they would be back soon. Drunk, I don't think so. I think that they just don't know where the ship is.

Well, I went back to my cabin. No reason to Ek-Riverwaste time waiting for my diet drink in my office. I can as well spend the time with my Thai books. 2nd Officer called me half an hour later.
- Do you have the address to the jetty?
- No, I don�t think so.
- The crew called and they don't know how to get back.
- I will be down in a jiff.
I ran in to our Cook and Captain on the way to my office. They had sent a distress SMS to our Cook and suddenly the whole ship was on full alert. I asked our Cook if it was our OS that had been calling her.
- Yeah, both him and the 2nd Officer.
- What the ??!! Am I the only one onboard that don't have your number??!!
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We told them to call our Agent and they were back onboard 10 minutes later and I could get my diet drinks. Our OS should have been on watch at 6 o'clock and now he was almost 3 hours late. A quick change to get his sorry behind on deck ASAP is what I expected.
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Ek-RiverI told him that he had to go see our Cook.
- Well, was she worried?
- Yeah, lucky you! No one is never worried about me!
Of course, this was not as easy as it sounds like. Our OS stood outside her door trying his best to prepare himself.
Finally he knocked on a door and the only thing came out from his mouth was a pitiful “sorry”

And of course, I was just around the corner with my “spy cam” wetting myself in laughter. I managed to pick myself up from the floor to get a few pictures of the event. Our Cook did strangely enough not appreciate me and my camera.
- But you always take every chance to get on my web page??!!
- But not today.

Wednesday 6th of January 2010 and they called me 07:40 as usual. 30 minutes until completion of the discharging. Good, a full night�s sleep and I have plenty time for showering and my “MAGIC HAIR STUFF”. I was philosophizing about “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” while showering.

And I realized that I need to check in to a hotel with complimentary shampoo. (Jaja Björn, ditt hotel i Seoul kommer ju inte på fråga) Then I can take the empty shampoo bottle and refill it with my “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” and IPSI WIPSI WU and I got myself a “MAGIC HAIR STUFF TRAVEL KIT”®. I really don't fancy bringing a drum of the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” on my weekend trips. A hole in the drum and my stuff will be soaked with the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF”.

We finished discharging at 08:10 and we had finished all the paper work at 10 o'clock. Pilot was Ek-Riverordered for 11 so I had time for a quick cuppa.

Well, my cup contains 1,5 litres of tea so I don't know how quick it was. But I needed some tea. I have been drinking diet drinks nonstop since the crew came onboard yesterday evening and tea would be nice for a change. Well, at least I gave one bottle to our OS this morning so I will soon be out of diet drinks and then I will never buy the darn stuff again.

Pilot was onboard a few minutes before 11 o'clock and we started to single up 10 minutes after 11. Took the crew quite some time to get the shore gangway off the ship. Who the is building a ship were the deck crane doesn't reach the gate for the gangway? And if the gangway weights a ton ....
Well, we have some of the best arse kickers working for us on deck so they managed to get the gangway off the ship. And of course, they did the best when they knew that I was standing on the bridge (in the comfort of heating) watching them.
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Snow, a very rare sight, at least in this part of France and the guys working in the lock was just Ek-Riverplaying around with their cars. And as soon as they were out of their cars they started a snow fight. I was on the bridge watching them and, well, they are not used to snow and ice so I expected them to end up in the lock any second with their cars.

We had all fast in the lock and we just had to wait Ek-Riverfor one barge before they could close the lock and bring us down to the sea level. Today it was high water so the difference was nothing to write home about. And no, it was not very exciting to pass through the lock.

We left the Pilot at 13:10 and we sat course towards Mongstad in Norway. We have not got any confirmation for the next voyage yet. But they are working on a cargo from Mongstad to Göteborg.

When we had left the Pilot I spent a few minutes with my Thai books. Pretty pointless, I will never learn this Scooby language. But reading the books is better than just doing nothing.

When I came down to my office we had received confirmation for the Mongstad to Göteborg cargo. And after discharging the cargo in Göteborg we will change from Swedish to Norwegian flag. So there will be a lot of work to change all the papers and stuff. Well, all Swedish crew are signing off and we will get Pilipino crew onboard.

Our Cook is making fun of my diet

Thursday 7th of January 2010 and today we ran in to a snow storm. It started with hail and later Ek-Riveron it changed to snow. The ship was covered in a 5cm thick layer of snow within minutes.

The crew was on deck washing when the hail hit us. Visibility turned to ZERO and after 10 minutes it started to snow. Ek-RiverBut it was still above 0°C so it was just for the crew to flush deck with the fire hose in order to get rid of the snow. But of course, washing deck in snow storm turned them a wee bit grumpy. So I thought it would be a good idea to go on deck to cheer them up a bit. And of course, they were happy when I came on deck to take a few Ek-Riverpictures, yet another chance to get on the internet.

One of our ABs asked me if I never worked.
- You're sitting on your arse all day long!
Yeah, now you understand that it was our Swedish AB. I tried to explain that thinking was also working.
- I'm drinking a cup of tea while I'm thinking of Ek-Riverwhat I will have you to do next, a job as dirty as possible!
For sure, that made him quiet and I could return to my office.

Just to make sure that I would not be disturbed I wrote a note and I put it on my door. I took a glass of diet drink and I took seat in my chair thinking about the crew out there in the snow blizzard. And I Ek-Riverhad some good music going in my office as well, so it was a pretty nice day. At least in my office.
- Ah f@ck! I think I will crank up the music a notch!
But it didn't take long before I had Captain disturbing me in my office.
- They called from the company. They asked if you can stay an extra month.
- And who the will keep an eye on you and our Chief Engineer in Thailand then?
My reliever hurt his arm last time he signed on and he had to go on sick leave. His arm is still in cast and the chance of him coming back soon is slim. Well, I can as well stay 1 month extra. It's not like I have anything special to do at home, except to make a tit out of myself at the discos and pubs in FUNKY TOWN.

And, well, for sure it will make wonders for my diet. I really needed this extra month to get my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet back on track. My Teachers told me to be careful with my diet. I don't know, but it seems like they are under the impression that I'm fading away.
- THE ONLY THING I'M LOSING IS MY HAIR!!!
For sure, would have been embarrassing to come home in the size of an hot air balloon with a little hair on the nose. So I was glad to accept the extra month.

But this is my last chance. LOSE WEIGHT OR DIE!!! of embarrassment when facing my Teachers again
I was talking to our Mess Man, I need his help to lose weight. He was happy to learn that we would sign off together. He had been a wee bit worried that he would miss me and our Pump Man having a few days out on town in Manila.
- NOW WE CAN GO TO THE FORT TOGETHER!!!
- Yeah, but we must look good by then!

I went to see our Cook in the crew's mess room. I asked if she wanted to join me and our Mess Man.
- I don't want to join your stupid club.
Ups! Seems like someone is grumpy today. But I didn't give up.
- It's not a club, it's a initiative and we call it “LIGHT AS A FEATHER”
- I don't care!
Some on is really grumpy today!
- It's our new initiative “LIGHT AS A FEATHER” and will kick it off tomorrow. Join us if you want!
Well, she refused to join us so I had to try another approach. So I went out in the kitchen when our Cook had finished her dinner.
- PLEASE! Can you help us with our diet!
- You never listen to what I say!
- Well, we will start now. I'm desperate!
- You never take anything serious.
- Well, you can join us tomorrow.
- I'm not on diet!
- OK, you can be our leader. I and Mess Man will follow your orders.
Finally she agreed and I told our Mess Man the good news.
- I will start to eat with you and our Cook. She will be our spiritual leader.
No more Cookies and bad stuff and I have hope to arrive back home as a handsome man.
- Hmm, if I only could do something about my hair.

I received e-mail from one of my Teachers 2 days ago and she thinks that I will be back in FUNKY TOWN the 10th of January. Well, the original plan was for me to be home before Christmas. But I managed to dodge that one. So 10th of January would be the date for me to go home. But my reliever could not come until end of January due to his broken arm. And now it looks like I will have to spend the month of February onboard.

Yesterday I got an e-mail from my EX Italian class mate. Now he also thinks that I will be back home the 10th. So obviously he had been talking with my Teacher. I explained that I will be delayed until end of January.
- Hmm, seems like I have to send yet another e-mail explaining that I will be even more delayed than the originally planned delay.

Well, anyway, I told my Teacher that I had bought Swedish STICKY RICE (Tomtegröt) and that I
Ris ala Malta

In Scandinavia on Christmas Eve, home cooks traditionally make enough rice porridge both to serve for dinner and to make a fancy rice pudding like Ris � la Malta for dessert on Christmas Day. Serve it chilled with raspberries or raspberry sauce.
- Yeah! Swap the raspberries for mango and we have a winner!!
would make some for her when I'm back in FUNKY FUNKY TOWNTOWN. Sticky rice with mango has grown to be one of my favourite dishes and I was thinking about Ris ala Malta, Swedish sticky rice with whipped cream and almonds. My kitchen in FUNKY TOWNSome people like to destroy it by putting oranges in to the Ris ala Malta.

If you ask me it's to destroy the Ris ala Malta and I use to say. (To everyone bothering to listen)
- When you put oranges in the Ris ala Malta it turns in to Ris ala Malta APELSIN RIS!
Well, if you ask any Swedish cook to make Ris ala Malta in, yeah, for example in April they will look at you like you asked them to make Semlor in October.
- Are you crazy? This is for Christmas only!

Well, one of the beauties with Thailand is that they don't understand any stupid “Christmas only” concept and I can make Swedish sticky rice in April or whenever I want.
They will think its exotic whatever time of the year it is. But the trick is to make it look nice as on the picture on the right hand side. When I serve something it usually looks like it has exploded.

Well, it looks like we will be at Mongstad Pilot station tomorrow afternoon, around 4 o'clock. Then we see if we have to drop anchor or if we can get alongside at arrival. And I have to see how long I have to stay onboard. Normally we stay onboard for 6 weeks and we're home for 6 weeks.

Friday 8th of January 2010 and we will arrive to Mongstad this afternoon. And this must be the first time I have been going to Mongstad without any rolling. Even if it's in the middle of the summer it's blowing with heavy seas coming from West, and as you going North you have the sea on the side and thus the ship rolls heavily.

I signed off one ship in full blizzard in Mongstad, and this was in the month of May!

I started the day by taking a picture in the engine room for our Chief Engineer. He needed a picture of Ek-Riversome thingamabob to send to the company. Well, he could not find the ship camera and he came to me. Obviously he must have noted that I always carry my camera with me.

And of course, I took a picture of our Chief engineer while in the engine room. When I was ready I Ek-Riverreturned to my tea. And when I returned my tea was still hot, yet another good thing with a big tea cup. When I finished my tea I poured a glass of diet drink and I got right on to my job. And today I really didn't want to be disturbed, I had plenty important stuff to do.

It didn't take long before I was disturbed. I was busy with all my important things when I could hear our Mess Man in the galley.
- ALADDIN ALADDIN!!
I almost shat myself.
- Are we sinking!!?? Is there a fire??!!
I could hear our Mess Man approaching my office while screaming.
- ALADDIN ALADDIN!! HURRY UP!! BRING YOUR CAMERA!! QUICK! HURRY!
- What the is going on?
- COME WITH ME TO THE GALLEY!! BRING YOUR CAMERA!!
I ran after him with my camera stand-by. Hmm, I wish I had it stand-by already when our Ek-RiverMess Man came bursting in to my office. Well, you cannot get everything.

When we came in to the galley he told me that our OS was naked in the kitchen.
- What the ??!! I thought we had seen the last of this onboard. Isn't there any rules and regulation Ek-Riveragainst stuff like this? For sure, there must be.

But I guess he had planned for a PRIVATE show for our Cook. A late Christmas gift? Well, anyway, he was embarrassed when I came around the corner with my camera. And I was chocked when I saw our OS naked trying to hide behind the corner.
- What the are you doing??!!
- DON'T DISTURB US!! Our cook was shouting.
She was busy taking pictures of our OS and I was not welcome. She started to scream at the Mess Man.
- WHY DID YOU CALL ALADDIN??!!

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Yeah, our OS started to get dressed and our Cook was not very happy. Well, it was more like she Ek-Riverwas very angry at me. Or as they say in Thailand. “She had been eating a wasp's nest”
- Why you have to come and disturb us just when it turned fun?
Ek-River- Well, our OS has work to do!
- Just as it turned interesting!
- Yes, I'm sorry. But I cannot have my all my crew in the kitchen to entertain you.

She went on and on about how bad I was coming to disturb them. But if I was in the shitter this is nothing comparing to what our Mess Man was.

She turned towards him (He had already moved a few steps away, wise from previous experience) and started to scream.
- YOU....
- Well, I didn't... He came by himself.... I.... But...
Ek-RiverAnd he took off covering his ears. Yeah, I understand him.

Well, it was nice when I could finally find the peace in my office. I was sitting in my chair doing important work while enjoying a diet drink when our Chief Engineer stepped inside. He took a seat Ek-Riveron my desk and I could see that he had something on Ek-Riverhis mind. And finally he asked. - Are you busy?
- Does the bear shit in the woods?
- I need one more picture.
He asked if he could borrow my camera.
- No problem!

He took off to the engine room and when he came back he asked if I could make the photo smaller for him and send to him on e-mail, ASAP! Yeah, he was in a hurry to get the picture so he could send them to the company. I think we will Ek-Riverget some Service people onboard in Göteborg next week.
- No problem.
Well, that kept me busy for a while and it was soon time for lunch. I took a plate of salad and I took my seat. It didn't take long for hell to break loose.

Yeah, we remember our Mess Man's and my initiative “LIGHT AS A FEATHER” from yesterday. And our Cook promised to help.
- You were going to eat with us!!
- But this is only a little salad.
Ek-River - I was going to give you your food!
- But this is only a little salad. Look it's next to nothing!
- Do you want help or not?
- But this is only a little salad. Look it's next to nothing!
- You are not allowed to take your own food.
- But this is only a little salad. Look it's next to nothing!
- We had an agreement!
- BUT IS'S ONLY F@CKING SALAD!!
- Do you want to look like Porky for the rest of your life?
- PLEASE! It's impossible to see the salad on the plate! There is nothing on the plate!
- And what's that? There is sauce under the salad!
- I don't know what it is.
- Is this your 3rd helping?
- No it's my first.
- Where is the sauce coming from.
- The plate was dirty when I took it. Maybe you should keep Ek-Riversome order in the kitchen department. Dirty dishes!! I don't want to find dirty dishes one more time. This time I didn't want to say anything, but next time...
- WHERE IS THE SAUCE COMING FROM??!!

Well, it was not like she was going to leave us alone anytime soon. She just went on and on.
- Do you want any help you with the diet?
- Of course...
- I will ration out the dinner for you tonight. And don't you dare going to the fridge between the meals.
Yesterday she told me that she had a put
Before
After
a new fine system in to effect as per immediately.
- Every time you open the fridge I will charge you a dollar.
- 100US is better, on e of the ABs suggested yesterday.
- 1 US is enough, it will be hundreds of dollars at the end of the day.
well, it looks bright for my diet. This is the spirit I'm looking for and I'm pretty confident that I Sockswill look great when it's time to go home.

I finished the smallest portion of salad I have ever seen and I was off to my cabin for a few minutes with my Thai books. If I can't impress anyone with my looks I can try to dazzle them with my language skills.
- Hmm, the only problem is that no one understands what the f@ck I'm saying.

When I finished with my Thai I returned to my office and I called the company. I needed some updates about the future onboard and if they have any news about my reliever. We're going to Göteborg and I didn�t know if I could order more snus. No news, it looks like I'm going to stay until Feb/ March.
- Good, then I will order snus for Göteborg.

I also told them that I would order socks and that I would ask them to send the parcel to the Office. I returned to my cabin and I ordered the socks online by clicking on the different socks. When it was time to pay I discovered that I had ordered socks for 4300 Scooby Dollars. That's 20,000 Bath, a good night on town. But of course, the socks won�t give you any hangover. And now I have socks to last me for a while.

And I was happy that I found socks with some colours. I bought hundreds of colourful socks in Bangkok some 10 years ago. I was soon running out, the quality left a lot to wish for. So when we came to Turkey with Rainbow Warrior I was so glad to find some colour full socks at a market. don't ask me the name of the town. Well, anyway , I bought all their socks. This is soon 4 years ago and they have lasted up till now. So I really needed socks.

Well, I have walked around in colourful socks for the last 20 years and everyone I'm meeting is just been gaped at my feet.
- How the can you walk around in socks like that?

Well look what they are writing now, some 20 years later:
Happy Socks, Sweden's latest contribution to the fashion world. Happy Socks give new meaning to happy feet: between the high quality, bright hues and overall coziness- there are stripes, argyle and spots galore. Happy Socks finally makes infusing a bit of style, joviality and color into your wardrobe affordable at $10 a pair. "Recession Chic" at its best!

Yeah, there is no end to it:
"Happy Socks are Sweden's latest contribution to the fashion world... in angst-ridden times like these, a little flash of color can go a long way!" Strong trend fully grown early adopters and followers, just reaching the big crowd to wear fashion, colourful and personal socks. Same trend and maturity appeared in Stockholm, New York and Paris. All channels are screaming for fashion socks! And here we go for Happy Socks!

Happy Socks is a Swedish brand who sold the first pair of socks on 20th August, 2008. The socks are manufactured in Turkey, at a family company that has been in the business for more than 30 years. As they make socks for both the Belgian and Turkish army, we�re pretty sure that they know how to make socks that last!

The socks are made of 80% combed cotton, 17% Polyamide and 3% elastane. Perfectly smooth seam, making your socks fit like gloves!

Kapok is very happy to present Happy Socks! They are now installed and giving everyone who come to the shop a happy face!


So much fuzz for a little colour, and the socks looks pretty gloom comparing to the socks I Ek-Riveruse to wear. even if the colours have faded a wee bit after several years use. But maybe this will catch on and they start selling the colourful socks in Bangkok again. haven�t seen them around for more than 10 years. Now it's all black, brown, blue and white.

Well, anyway, I'm looking forward to receiving my new socks. Hopefully in Göteborg next week.

We were approaching Fedje and latest news is Ek-Riverthat we have to drop anchor until tomorrow morning when our jetty is free. Well, I'm in no hurry. I took a tour on deck with Pump Man to make sure everything was ready for tomorrow. Deck was covered with ice and it was very slippery.
- The guys can shovel snow tonight, I told Pump Man.

I was soon back in my office finishing my paper work and cargo plans for tomorrow. We were steaming outside waiting for the Pilot. we arrived to the Pilot station at 2 o'clock and the Pilot was not available until almost 4 o'clock.

It was cold, but it was beautiful with the mountains in the horizon with the white snow glowing orange in the sunset. And of course I was on the bridge when we approached the lighthouse Hellisøy on Fedje for some pictures.

Ek-River
Ek-River


Ek-River
Ek-River

Yes, it's beautiful. But imagine living around here. For sure would have been driving me up the walls. exactly nothing to do. Or as I said at dinner the other day.
- Living in Mongstad for more than 2 days would have turned me to a drug addict.

Ek-River
Ek-River

Saturday 9th of January 2010 and they called me at 4 o'clock, in the morning!
- Pilot is onboard and we're approaching the jetty
- OH! I'm coming
What the ??!! They said in the afternoon. 2nd Officer told me that the Pilot just showed up on the bridge. Well, Norway, jävla brustomtar!!

Coming to the bridge and of course they had changed our nominations again. Well, no problem. We had all Ek-Riverfast at Statoil, Mongstad jetty #2 @ 05:20 and we started to load the first parcel at 07:20 and I could have a quick breakfast before it was time to increase to loading rate.

And of course, as soon as I approached the Mess room our Cook was on full alert. She was standing stand-by in the doorway while I had my breakfast. The breakfast didn't turn in to the festive moment I had hoped for.
- You can have 1 (ONE) slice of cheese!!
- Can you leave me alone for 1 minute?
Well, this is great! Exactly what I have been asking for, someone Ek-Riverkeep me on track so Porky to the “ANTI AIRCRAFT BALLOON” is soon to be history.

But of course, it was a pain in the behind to have her standing in the door way.
- Only one helping!!
- NO SALT!!
- That's enough!!

We increased to full speed and I went to bed. I was dead tired, been up since 4 o'clock and I didn't feel asleep until 2 o'clock, so I really needed some sleep. I was hoping for 3 hours of sleep before we finish the first parcel. Expecting to be ready with the first parcel around 12 o'clock. And then they would start Ek-Riverwith the second parcel. But I had just got down in bed when they called on the phone.
- They ask if we can load 2 grades at the same time.
- I'm coming down.

We started the second parcel at 08:40 and I returned to bed when we were up and running. Yeah, finally some sleep.

I�ll be darned. I had just got down in bed when they called again.
- They will come to pick you up at 10:15
- OK!
We will change flag in Göteborg so I need Norwegian certificates. And we need pictures for the certificates and the original plan was to go get the pictures in Göteborg. But we will most likely be too busy with the flag change so we decided to get the pictures here instead.

I went ashore to the waiting car for transport to the gate. At 10:15 there was no sign of anyone coming to pick me up. At 10:45 I asked the girl in the reception to call for transportation back to the ship. They had been busy trying to find the number to the Agent for information about my pick up. But in vain so I could as well go back to the ship for some sleep.
Ek-River
It was almost 11 when the taxi showed up and we cancelled my ride back to the ship. It took us Ek-Riverabout 30 minutes to get to the shopping centre where I was going to take my picture.

I took the pictures and I went to buy a mouse while waiting for the pictures to be ready. I also stopped at a shop for vitamins and health stuff in the shopping centre. The girl helped me choose some vitamins. There were millions to choose from. And I could not make up my mind.
- Which kind do you use? I asked
She showed me the vitamins she was using.
- You look healthy so I also take these vitamins.
She was happy with my choice.
- I can see that you're a health freak, she said. Are you by any chance single?
- HEY! Hold it right there! I'm just passing through so don't you go fall in love!

I spotted something they called a health bar at the pay desk. I don't know what this health bar is so I took the opportunity to stretch my chat with her for a few minutes.
- What is this health bar?
- It's much much better than a chocolate bar.
There were a few to choose from. Brazilian Nut Fiesta and a few others and they were all looking tasty. I bought 2 bars and I felt smaller when I left.
Ek-River
I returned to the photo shop to pick up my pictures. They cut them for me when I came back and I paid and left. My taxi driver was waiting outside so we went back to the taxi. I made a quick stop at the health shop for a bottle of juice and 2 more of the Brazilian Nut Fiesta. The girl guaranteed that the juice was very good.
- Yeah, but it is healthy?
- Yes, 100%!!!

We left and we went back to the taxi. Norway, how expensive is it allowed to be. The taximeter was turning by 1 Norwegian Scooby Dollar per second, one way 1300 Norwegian Scooby Dollars and that's like 200-250 US. In FUNKY TOWN I would have paid 100 Bath for that trip and that's 3 US. A shitty Brazilian Nut Fiesta set me back by several dollars. And when I discovered how much they charged for the darn juice I realised that I will never be able to afford to go back home.

Ek-River

And Norway, the richest country in the world, this should be a cheap country. But we're in Scandinavia and if you have a dollar more than someone else IRS is there to take it from you so they can hand it out to someone not working. Stay home drinking, no problem, there are still a few people working that can pay your bills.

Ek-River

It was almost 1230 when we left the shopping centre so I had missed lunch, never mind, I was in the back seat munching on my Brazilian Nut Fiestas looking at the landscape. Beautiful, for sure. But once again, to live here?
- Living in Mongstad for more than 2 days would have turned me to a drug addict.

Here is exactly nothing to do. Well, after asking the driver I found out that there is a pub in the village. He pointed at it when we passed and I was not impressed.
Ek-River
We were back in Mongstad 15 minutes before 1 o'clock and I was back onboard 5 minutes later. Ek-RiverJust in time for lunch together with our Cook and Mess Man. I had expected us to be ready with the first parcel but they were down to a loading rate of 100m³/h. Second parcel should be read around 5 o'clock in the afternoon.

I went to bed and this time I hope I can sleep.
Well, I could sleep until half past 3 when they called me.
- We're ready with the last parcel in 1 hour.
- OK, I'm coming down.
We completed loading at 16:35 and paper work was ready just before 7 o'clock. We left Mongstad at 19:10 and I can't say that I was sorry. I have not been here for several years and I hope I won't come back again.

Sunday 10th of January 2010 and I woke up to yet another beautiful day. Sunshine and no wind, good the crew can start preparing for the flag change. So we need to change the home port on Ek-Riverall the lifebuoys and lifejackets to Arendal.

But we had to start with a PEC meeting, planned for the ship's office. But we changed it to my office so I could drink my tea.
- AND F@CK!!!!! I FORGOT THE GOOD MORNING HUG!!!   
That would have been something for the engine crew to experience.
- F@CK F@CK F@CK!!!!

Well, the crew has to change the call sign on the life boat and a risk assessment is Ek-Rivernecessary before the crew starts to climb on the life boat and thus the meeting.

when we finished the meeting the crew disappeared out on deck and I was alone in my office. I also had some paper work to do to prepare for the flag change. And I have cargo plans to make for our discharging tomorrow morning. 2 parcels and I have no idea which parcel they are going to start with. So I make two different cargo plans so I'm prepared for tomorrow.
I started by doing the annual review of our SMPEP and I Ek-Rivermanaged to kill an hour or so. I updated our contact information outside the CCR and it was pretty much lunch time when I was ready.

Of course, I had been inspecting the crew and the progress to mark our lifebuoys and life jackets. 2 guys busy with the renaming while Bosun painted 3 coatings of Ek-Riverorange paint over the old name and call sign on the MOB boat and life boat.

Well, things looked good and I was in a pretty good mood when I returned to my office. Of course, who wouldn't be in a good mood leaving the winter weather behind to go inside for diet drinks and good music?

But the best thing happening today was when I went to see our Ek-RiverMess Man and Pump Man at the coffee break in the afternoon.
- You have plenty more hair now! Mess Man said.
- I cannot see any f@cking difference. I'm still bald as a pool ball, I said.
But he didn't give up and may be his right. Well, at least I hope Ek-Riverso and I was off to a mirror to check it out. No, I could not see any new hair. DARN!! I was disappointed when I returned to the smoke room.
- What is it that you can see that I cannot see?
well, the best thing happening to me during the day turned out to be nothing but a disappointment.

I finished my discharging plans just in time for the dinner. I started with chicken, only chicken. And when I finished the chicken I took a plate of salad. OK, one plate of salad became a second plate as well, But it's only salad.

I was sitting munching on my salad when there was a sound like someone farted at the table.
- What the ??!! Was it from the engine room. Sounded like distortion from a radio.
But the Chief Engineer and Captain looked at me like something was wrong. Second time the sound came I looked around asking the rest if they know what it was. Everyone looked at me like I had some really bad table manners.

- What the is this?
I started to look around but I found nothing. I turned my chair upside down and I discovered a fart generator. And it turned out to be remote controlled by our Cook from the kitchen. When the fart generator went off the third time the guys started to laugh like a bunch of kids in the age of when they are enjoying lavatory humour.

Ek-River
Ek-River
Ek-River
Fart generator, and with a remote control. It's strange, we are about to extinct all life on this globe by over consuming and it's still allowed to manufacture stuff like this. well, as I say, we can Ek-Rivergo towards the end as long as I do it in first class. Never mind the babies in Africa going towards the end without food and water. I don't even think they can imagine something like a fart generator, battery required both in the remote control and in the FART BLASTER®.

Well, at least we got a good laugh out of it. Way more than the Chinese children is getting, working 16 hours per day at the FART BLASTER® factory in China.
- But I'm not sure they laughed due to the sound or if it was because they were relieved that it was the FART BLASTER® and not my lack of table manners.

Our Cook is leaving us in Göteborg when we're changing flag. And I'm a worried man! How will it go with my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet? Our Mess Man will not help, that's for sure. Today he told me that he had a box of chocolate for me. I had to turn down his offer, but for how long can I manage to say no?

He also told me that he had ordered diet drinks but that our Cook had cancelled the order.
- This is no good for his diet!
Well, the other day she was in my office and she took my bottle of diet drink when she thought I didn't saw her. I managed to save my diet drink. OK, I think she is desperate for a chance to get on the internet. Yeah, that must be it!

She also told our Mess Man to take all the diet drinks from my cabin.
- I will give him one bottle per week.
Of course, our Mess Man told her that I had been hiding my bottles. Luckily enough he is on my side, well, that is as long as our Cook is onboard to keep an eye on me. I doubt it very much that Manilaour Pilipino Cook will have the guts to keep my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet on the right track.

Well, I really hope that I can muster the WILL POWER and SELF DICIPLINE to continue with my diet when she signs off tomorrow. Especially now since our Mess Man is planning for our visit to the Fort.
- Very good now when we sign off together in March!!

Our OS is also on about us signing off together. Seems like there will be a few of us going. I only hope I can get a booking for my courses at Norwegian Training Centre in Manila for March. And I really hope that I will meet Miss Beautiful #3 at the Fort again. Maybe I can give a better impression than last time. No I don't mean that I will go there sober drinking soda water. But I hope that we can see the full effect of the “Best looking guy in town '10” diet and the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” by then. Hopefully!! PLEASE!! PLEASE!!

Monday 11th of January 2010 and we were anchored when I woke up. Very nice, I didn't have to go up in the middle of the night for the arrival to jetty routines. Well, I started my day with tea, Ek-Riveryeah, that was no big surprise.

I finished my tea and it was time to start to kick arse. There was a failure alarm on the remote gas measuring system in the pump room. So I had to go down in the engine room trying to find out what the problem is.

I took a radio from the ECR and I went down to the pump sucking sampling air from the pump room. I pulled a few hoses and I did a few other important things and the failure alarm disappeared. So I was in a good mood when I came back to my office. And I was lucky enough to get to see the Ek-Riverengine department working while down in the engine department.

And of course, I had my camera with me so now you have the chance to see them in action as well.
Pilot was supposed to be onboard around 10 o'clock so we started to test all alarms and emergency stops so we're with this when we come alongside.

The crew continued preparing for the flag change and now we only have the CALL SIGN on the life boat and the homeport on the stern to go. So this will be ready tomorrow when the official flag change take place.

We had our anchor up at 10:15 and Pilot was onboard at 10:30 so we expect to be alongside around 11:30. It was a gorgeous day and actually, it was way better than any of the summer days I experienced here last summer. Well, except for the temperature. It was 3°C below zero.
Ek-River
When we approached the container terminal we had to make a 180° turn. Our jetty was still occupied so we had to wait. I took the opportunity to go down for my lunch, a quick one. I took a plate of salad and I went to the kitchen to top up the salad with some Pytt i panna. Our Cook started to scream at me.
- What's under the salad?
- Nothing! are you crazy?
She dove, yeah, SHE DOVE in to my plate to check what was under my salad. She was surprised when she discovered ZIP!! But she managed to ruin my lunch experience.
Ek-River
I was back on the bridge after 15 minutes just to discover that our jetty was still occupied by M/T Nautilus. So we didn�t had all fast at jetty 510 until 12:45. It didn't took long before the ship was full of people from the company, OSM, DNV, the Norwegian Maritime Authorities and a whole bunch of service people.

I expected us to start discharge immediately, but they were blowing the cargo lines ashore.
- Maybe around 3 o'clock, the Loading Master said when he went ashore.
At 16:30 we could start with the first parcel and we expect to complete the first parcel tomorrow morning. So best departure time will be tomorrow afternoon.

Tuesday 12th of January 2010 and today will be the day when we change flag. Well, it was a good start of the day, I was called for at 0500.
- We will soon finish the first parcel.
- OK, I'm coming.

We finished first parcel at 05.35 and we had to wait for shore to blow their lines before we could start the second parcel. I returned to my bed, but they called again as soon as I was back in my bed.
- We will start the second parcel.
- OK, I'm coming.
We started the second parcel and now it was no meaning to return to bed. People started to arrive, pretty much the same people as yesterday. People from the company, OSM, DNV, the Norwegian Maritime Authorities and a whole bunch of service people.

Ek-River
Ek-River
Ek-River

OK, it's time to change to Norwegian flag


       
                  
OK, it has come to my knowledge that we have senior citizens at my web page. So it's not very easy
Jiffy (also jiff)

noun [in SING.] informal a moment: we'll be back in a jiffy.

ORIGIN late 18th cent.: of unknown origin.

So as you understand, in a jiff pretty much depends on your internet.
for them to see the blue coloured links to the next page. So I put a “Next” button here and I hope that there isn't any problem to understand how to use that one. So just CLICK the “Next” button on your left hand side and you will be on the next page in a jiff!

Marunong ka mag-tagalog? Walang problema! Magpunta sa kabilang pahina pindutin ang “NEXT” button sa itaas

Faites vous parlez le français? Pas de problème! Pour arriver à la page suivante faites s'il vous plaît un déclic le bouton “Next” ci-dessus!

Haga usted dice el español? No hay problema! Ver la siguiente página sólo hacer clic el botón “Next” encima!

Farla parla l'italiano? Non problemi! Per vedere la prossima pagina lo scatto per favore giusto Il bottone “Next” sopra

Sprechen sie Deutsch! Kein problem! Wenn Sie die folgende Seite sehen wollen gerade klicken der Knopf “Next” oben!

คุณพูดภาษาไทยได้ไหม ไม่มีปัญหา ถ้าคุณต้องการไปหน้าถัดไป ให้กดปุ่ม “Next” ข้างบนนี้

Вы говорите по-русски? NJET PROBLEMA! Просто нажмите синюю кнопку "Next" с левой стороны и Вы моментально переместитесь на следующую страницу!

E ni Svenskar och inte förstår Engelska så ska ni skämmas. J och Björn, med det menar jag inte att alla mina stavfel ska ältas varje gång vi träffas.





                                       

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